The Spirit of Truth

What's your dream?

2012-01-09T08:01:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in a hotel room in Lynchburg, Virginia waiting for my first intensive with Liberty University to start. I have a room all to myself, no kids, no hubby, no dogs, just me. Needless to say I had a rough night sleep! You'd have thought I would have slept like a baby, but no, I need the noise and comfort of my family.

Anyway, I'm here for school. As I was sitting this morning in my quiet time I came to tears. Good tears, happy tears, but tears none the less. I am in awe of where God has brought me. Utterly, in awe. I couldn't thank Him enough this morning as the tears fell. He's taken a messed up broken girl and has blessed me more than I could ever imagine.

I'm reading Sarah Young's devotional "Jesus Calling" and this morning my devotion started with:
"I am with you and for you. When you decide on a course of action that is in line with MY will, nothing in heaven or on earth can stop you".

I cried some more.

God has brought me to such an amazing place. I am almost finished with my masters degree in mental health counseling. A dream that had been in my heart since I was a little girl. A dream that I honestly thought would never come true. I had taken so many wrong turns and had dug myself into such a pit that I had given up on my dreams so many years ago.

The funny thing is God never gave up on me. NEVER. Not once.

He had a plan and a purpose for my life. He gave me this dream so, so many years ago and now it's almost complete.

I believe He looks down and smiles from ear to ear when He looks at my life. I believe it brings Him great joy to see His plan unfolding in my life. I just had to turn to Him for it to all unfold.

I'm wondering if God has given you a dream? Has He planted a dream in your heart and you are afraid it won't come true? I believe if we follow God, listen to Him and enjoy the journey it will indeed come true...Give it to Him and let Him unfold it for you. It may not look exactly like you had envisioned...honestly, it will probably be a better version of your initial vision. So go ahead and dream....God will take it from here.

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be agains us" Romans 8:31

"For no word from God will ever fail" Luke 1:37

Jesus is the reason for the season?

2011-12-26T16:20:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, it's been pretty hectic around our house this last month. The most wonderful time of the year really hasn't been all that wonderful. In fact, it's been kind of stressful. And from the "feel" of the outside world, I would say many could relate.

When did the CHRISTmas season become so rushed and commercialized?

I actually yelled at a man in the parking lot of the mall. I did. It wasn't right and I immediately asked the Lord for forgiveness but I got caught up in the moment of him stealing my parking spot... let me explain. I was leaving the mall with Emma and a little old man asked for my spot. He followed me all the way to my car, which was parked in one of the furthest parking spots the mall had. As I was pulling out a man in a pick-up truck pulled up behind me. I backed up so the little old man could pull in front of me and take my spot. Before he could the man in the pickup stole the spot! I got so angry. I pulled my car up to the man's truck and asked him what he was thinking. Probably not a good idea, but I honestly couldn't believe someone would have the nerve to do such a thing. The little old man looked absolutely stunned, as did I. Well, the next thing I know, this HUGE man (I have no idea where he came from) walked behind my truck and up to the man who stole the parking spot. I'm not sure what he said however, the man starting backing out of the spot!!! It was great. The little old man was able to pull in to the spot and I was able to leave.

I was still angry when I left. I apologized again to God for losing my cool and getting caught up in the "insanity" of Christmas shopping. And I thought to myself. This isn't what God wanted. This isn't how it's suppose to be.

Christmas is about the birth of our savior. It isn't about presents and shopping and acting like a lunatic! It's about HIM and only HIM.

This morning I finally had time to sit with HIM.

I was able to just sit and be still and thank him for all he has done for me and my family.

I don't believe God intended us to turn Christmas into what it has become. I believe he intended it to be a time of peace, a time of reflection on the ONE who was born to give his life for us. A time to be still and thank God for the gift of his Son. THE GIFT. Because that's what Jesus was. The ultimate gift. Nothing store bought could ever beat it.

Next year, we plan to do it better. Will and I plan to not get caught up in the "Christmas hullabaloo". We plan to focus on the real reason for the season....JESUS...

I pray you had Merry Christmas and were able to take some quite moments to reflect and give thanks to Jesus.

Doing Hard Things

2011-11-20T09:31:00.000-05:00

I've been doing a TON of work in the last few months. Work for school, work for my family but most of all I've been working on me.

Since I went back to school in August my life has taken quite a turn. I'm home full time being wife, mom and student. I couldn't be happier. At first I was nervous. I didn't know how we would make it financially without my income. We had come to depend on it, yet God had a way. After all HE is my provider...Each month the bills are paid, there is food on the table, and I am HOME. It's truly been a blessing.

In these last months I have been drawing closer to God. I have been seeking more of Him and pressing into Him. It hasn't been easy. I've had to look at certain things in myself that I really would have liked to have left alone. But God is never done with us. He's always moving us along and doing a work in us if we'll let Him. Let's just say I went "All In." With some fear and trepidation I let God have all of me. Every piece. It's been hard work but so worth it.

I've let go of baggage I have carried with me, some for a short time and some for years.

You know the type don't you? Old hurts, lies we've believed for years, false beliefs, generational sins and curses, etc, etc...

Like I said, it hasn't been easy.

But I have become "different" if you will. In the sense that these "things" aren't weighing me down anymore. I've let them go. God has used this time of "house keeping" to change my heart and my perspective. He's given me a new vision for my life and continues to move me forward in that direction. I just had to clear some "junk" out of the way first.

During this time, I was able to rejoin my Bible study group "The Wednesday Girls." We've been working through a new study called "Freedom." This past Friday and Saturday we had what is called our "Freedom Encounter." I, of course, didn't think I needed to go. I had worked on all of this "stuff" over the course of our study and the month prior, what else could I possibly need freedom from?

Do you think God just chuckles when we say or think things like this? I think he does.

So I went, a bit reluctantly...

And I am glad I did. God had so much more for me. SO MUCH MORE!

If you could see the pages and pages in my journal from this weekend you would see just how much He had, not just for me, but for everyone who attended this encounter.

My journey is not over, in fact, it has just begun. The work has been hard but it has been worth it.

One nugget of truth I received this weekend:

"The enemy is always trying to get us to take the easiest way out. He would rather us 'go around' things so as not to work on the things that are difficult. He knows that working on the hard things leads us to a rich and satisfying life, they stretch us, make us uncomfortable but they also lead us to the depth we want with God."

So, what hard things is God calling you to? What hard things is the enemy wanting you to go around?

"No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you" Joshua 1:5

When Worlds Collide

2011-11-08T09:18:00.000-05:00

Some people don't understand blog world. They don't get why we would share our lives via the internet and honestly I often question why I do. However, there are connections made with other women who somehow we just "click" via blogging. This summer I met one of those women face to face at a conference in Charlotte. I flew in the night the conference ended and she and I met the next morning for coffee. It's amazing to me how we just picked up like we had known one another for a lifetime. We literally had a 30 minute breakfast before I had to leave for a work event.

Lelia flew in Friday for a conference here in Tampa so I invited her to stay with me. She spent sometime with another blogger on Friday and Saturday, went to Sarasota to visit family and then I picked her up on Sunday. Again, we just picked up where we left off. Although this time we had so much more time to really sit and chat. It was such a blessing!

Last night we went to dinner and I met Melanie. Melanie is another blogger who I had followed on and off for a time. (My blogging has been erratic these past few years due to life being busy). I had prayed for Melanie's family during those months I had followed her blog. Last night I had the privilege of meeting her face to face. The three of us laughed and cried and just spent a very sweet time together.

Here are some pics...

Melanie, Lelia, Me

Me & Lelia

Here are their blogs if you'd like to check them out...

For Lelia click here

For Melanie click here

A Writing Challenge

2011-10-29T13:26:00.000-04:00

Hi Bloggy Friends! I've missed blog world more than you know. I've started another semester of school, which is always exciting, however I have upped my course load from 2 to 3. Sometimes I seriously think I'm certifiable!!! Along with 3 classes comes plenty of field work and observations as well as (3) 20 page papers, one for each class. See what I mean? Certifiable.

On top of all of this I have signed up for a writing challenge with NaNoWriMo which stands for National Novel Writing Month. The month of November is set aside to write 50,000 words of a novel.

Since writing has been one of my dreams since I was a little girl I decided to sign up for the challenge. I've have constantly journaled or written short stories since I could form a sentence. Last year my mom gave me some of my writings from grade school. They were terrible to say the least, but they also reminded me that I have loved the written word for a very long time and have loved to write and spin stories since then.

So I have signed up for this challenge with no idea what I am in for. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. I would so LOVE your prayers for me to finish this challenge. 50,000 words on top of all the writing I have to do for school (oh yeah, and being a wife and mom too) seems completely overwhelming but I believe with GOD all things are possible! As I have really pressed in to God these last couple of months I have heard him over and over again tell me to write. So I am completely taking a leap of faith and going to see what happens.

How about you? What has God put on your heart?

My Journey, My Passion

2011-10-18T09:10:00.000-04:00

I just finished week 6 of Surrendering the Secret. I absolutely love facilitating these groups at church. Each group of women becomes so special to me and I am always humbled and so grateful that God allows me to be a part of their lives, a part of their healing journey. I do know that these groups have nothing to do with me and everything to do with God. I just show up and He does the rest. Last night was "The Great Exchange" one of my favorite nights. The ladies take all of the "stuff" from the first five weeks of group and physically lay it on the alter. It's a powerful week and to watch God transform these women, turn their ashes into beauty, is a miracle. Truly it is. As a post-abortive woman I know first hand the heavy burden each one carries. The silent pain and suffering over the years almost swallows us whole. But, (I always love but)....But, God. God will heal us and take away our shame and pain if we allow him to. To see the face of each woman last night from the woman they were when they walked in the door 6 weeks ago is AH-MA-ZING! Their faces have changed and you can physically see the "lightness" upon them. It's so cool.

So my journey has led me here, to post-abortion recovery. It will always be a part of me. Each semester at church I say to myself, "this is it, this is the last group" yet, I look at each woman and see God working in such a mighty way and am reminded that this is what God has called me to. He has called me to this ministry, no matter how hard I try to fight it at times. I often ask him, "Lord, can't I have something cuter? Can't I have adoption or parenting or encouragement or ANYTHING BUT THIS!"

He must giggle when I say such things.

His response is always, "this is where I have placed you."

"Really, God, really?" is always my response.

And He replies, "Yes, really."

And I know why. My story helps other women. My story shows other women that there is healing, forgiveness and freedom on the other side of abortion. My story shows that their can be abundant life after healing. But most of all my story shows the Love of God.

I have begun a new part of my journey in the past few months. At first I wasn't quite sure where God was taking me (I'm still not quite sure but the picture is getting a little more focused).

So I am walking with anticipation down the path God has set before me.

How about you? Where has God placed you? Do you struggle with what He has set before you? Are you allowing Him to use your story to reach others?

Where have I been?!

2011-10-16T11:06:00.000-04:00

It seems that blog world gets left behind when my life gets busy. Last week I wrapped up a semester of school. I knocked out two courses and now have a much needed week break. Honestly, I find myself not knowing what to do without a book in my hand or writing a paper for school!

I love school. I've decided that if I could remain a student for the rest of my life that's what I would be. A life-time student...Not sure how that happened because growing up although I loved school, I certainly wasn't the best student. I did what I had to do to get by and found much more interesting things to do with my time.

I now however have an insatiable appetite for school and look forward to starting my next 3 courses in a week! I know, call me a nerd if you will, it seems that is what I have become!

For those of you following my attempt at the 30-day challenge to Out Love My Spouse here is where I am. The first week was good. Pretty easy actually and I thought to myself, piece of cake.

Let's just say week two rolled around and it wasn't so pretty. I found myself actually biting my tongue (OUCH!) and it was VERY HARD...

We had a doozy of a fight last Thursday, which is something that doesn't happen very often so I am assuming the enemy doesn't like what's going on. I do have to say that during our disagreement I never raised my voice...I stayed pretty level and made my point clearly without having to yell...I did however have tears streaming down my cheeks as I told him how I felt...I'm not sure where those came from because I honestly don't cry very much. I mean, I tear up and can get weepy but to actually let them spill over is another story. So the tears spilled over and I remained calm and he actually HEARD what I was saying. In stead of getting defensive, he apologized! WOW!

How about you? How are you doing on this 30-day journey?

Day 1

2011-10-05T06:50:00.000-04:00

Well, I kind of got off easy yesterday for my first day of the 30-day challenge. If you want to know what I am speaking of please see the post below.

Hubbs had to work late so didn't get home until 7:30am. Initially I was a little annoyed but what's a girl to do? My annoyance wouldn't bring him home any quicker, in fact, it may have made him drag his feet a bit!

I went on with our dinner, made him a plate and kept it warm until he arrived home. I sat with him while he ate and asked about his day (this is not normal). Normally when he works late and finally gets home to eat, I would be doing laundry, on the computer or reading a book for school. I intentionally sat with him and asked about his day. It was quite lovely!

We then set out on a walk together which is something we have been doing since our weight-loss challenge. I love this time together and I would recommend it to all couples. It's a great way to connect and just talk.

Okay, this picture isn't a great representation because hubbs and I are usually power walking but it is still a great time to connect!

How about you? How was your day one?

30-Day Challenge

2011-10-04T09:11:00.000-04:00

I love a good challenge as you can see from my previous post. I don't consider myself overly competitive however, I love to be "in" something, working hard to achieve the goal set before me.

Many of you know that I am married to an unbeliever. My husband is the most amazing man I know however, I long for him to know Christ. I long for the spiritual connection in our marriage that so many of my friends have. I long to have my husband attend church with the kids and me on a regular basis. I could go on and on.

Little did I know there are many "unequally yoked" marriages. For a long time I thought I was on my own. What I have found out is that there are many women walking the same journey I am, fervently praying for their husbands to know the Lord.

I remember when I first gave my life to Christ I heard the testimony of a woman who had been praying for her husband for over 30 years! I thought to myself, that will never be me. My husband is going to come to know the Lord soon...Well, let's just say the years are adding up and my hubby still doesn't believe.

I follow a blog called Spiritually Unequal Marriage. Dineen and Lynn have a wonderful ministry for women who are married to unbelievers. It's such a great place to plug in, get encouragement and just commune with other women who are walking our same path.

The ladies have put up a challenge on their blog. It's called "Out Loving Your Spouse". Please click HERE to watch the video. Then pray about joining me on this challenge. I am looking forward to seeing what God is going to do through this!

I am staring out with "putting a hand over my mouth" whenever I want to "bite" my husband. Which means, whenever I have something to say that isn't nice or isn't positive. I am literally going to shut my mouth by putting my hand over it. This will not be an easy task! Lord help me! But I am up for the challenge. How about you? Won't you join me?

I have grandiose plans of blogging every morning to let you know how I am doing however, I don't know if "every morning" is realistic for me. But, I will try. I will let you know my successes and failures and let you know how God is working through all of this.

So join me and the others over at Spiritually Unequal Marriage and let's see what God can do in our marriages through this!

Weighing In

2011-10-03T09:26:00.000-04:00

We weighed in for our Biggest Loser challenge. My husband won the grand prize! He lost 20.8 pounds in 25 days. Unbelievable. Why is it always so much easier for guys to drop the weight than it is for us girls? Doesn't seem fair. Although I am happy with my own weight loss. I lost 12.4 pounds in the same amount of time. I am feeling great! I still have some pounds to go but I would say I am off to a good start.

How did we do it you ask?

Honestly, by eating well, counting our calories and walking for an hour 4-5 times a week. That's it!!

I used a great app on my phone called Lose It.

To learn more about this app click here.

It's an excellent tool for tracking calories, weight and exercise. It kept me on track and also kept me aware of my poor eating habits before I started this. I didn't realize the amount of calories I was consuming before I started this contest. Now, I am more aware of everything going into my body and how it impacts the way I feel.

What started out as a contest has evolved into a new WEIGH (pun intended) of life.

I don't want to go back to feeling the way I did before. I hated the way my clothes fit, tried on numerous outfits before I ever went out and still left the house unhappy about the way I felt.

I don't want to be there anymore.

I like how I am feeling, have more energy, and enjoy cooking new recipes and trying new foods that are good for me (they taste good too)...

All in all it was a great challenge and a great kick start to a new way of living.

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies". 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

A Beautiful Weekend

2011-09-26T08:37:00.000-04:00

Last Wednesday I left for our annual ladies retreat with church. Michelle and I left a night early which gave us an entire extra day of beach time/girl time. It was a much needed time for me. I went with great expectations of hearing from God about the direction He was going to have me go. Some of you know I have been in a time of "waiting" so I honestly was excited to see what God was going to say to me this weekend. Wouldn't you know it, He told me the SAME THING!!! "Just be still and wait"...

Friday afternoon I went down to the reflection room. This is a room set up at the retreat for us women to have some alone time with God. I love going to this room. It's set up with candles and soft praise music. It's here where I get on my knees before the Lord and just let him speak to me. And the words spoken to me were "wait"...

Honestly, I have no idea what I am waiting for! Isn't that just like God? I know he has a plan for me yet I have absolutely no clue as to what that could be right now. So I am waiting. Waiting on God to open the door that he wants me to walk through.

In the mean time I am working on my masters degree, leading a post-abortion recovery Bible study at church, and have joined back in with my small group on Wednesday mornings. For now, this is enough.

Here are some pictures from our weekend. I am blessed with amazing friends!

A Cleansing...

2011-09-15T12:01:00.000-04:00

I'm in a really exciting time of my life. Some wouldn't like to be where I am however, I am finding peace and excitement in the middle of my circumstances.

I am currently back in school and also working on my life coaching certification. Through this certification I have to work with a certified life coach myself for five sessions.

This has proved to be a many things: fun, difficult, heartwarming, heart aching, painful, and full of joy & hope.

Fun: because I am working with an amazing woman of God and we have had so many great laughs over where I am and where I am going. She is an encourager beyond what I could have asked for. I feel so blessed that God put her in my life at this time.

Difficult: I am looking at pieces of myself that I don't necessarily like and having to go to places that I don't want to.

Heart Warming: I am seeing God's hand in all of this and it warms my heart.

Heart Aching: I have held a lot of hurts inside and letting them out is breaking my heart, one little piece at a time.

Painful: It's hard work to look at yourself and know that there are things that need to be worked on, cleansed out...And to do the work is painful.

Joy & Peace: Joy because I have such a sense of God in all of this. He is going to use it for His glory. Peace for the same reason. God is doing this for my good...to cleanse me so then He can use me for His glory.

This season leaves me with such a feeling of anticipation. I am leaving behind some heavy suitcases, dropping them at Jesus' feet and lightening my load. I'm looking forward to seeing where He is taking me and where we end up.

It's an exciting time for me spiritually, physically and emotionally and I wouldn't want to be on this journey with anyone else but Jesus. He has called me here for a reason that only He knows and I am believing it's going to for His Glory!

Here's the song "Suitcases" by Dara Maclean: One of my favorite lines "you can't run when your holding suitcases"....so true.

Enjoy!

Stuck in the Middle

2011-09-07T16:48:00.000-04:00

I'm stuck...

Seriously stuck.

In the middle of the two people I love most in the world.

God and my husband.....

I recently entered a new chapter in my life where I am back in school full time and unemployed. I am absolutely LOVING where I am right now however financially it's just not feasible.

I have been in constant prayer over this situation and God has been very clear with me on "waiting".

I have had quite a few opportunities come my way regarding work, yet each one wasn't where God was calling me. Financially it would have been a "no brainer" to take one of the positions, yet God was clear..."No & Wait."

How do you tell and unbelieving husband God is calling me to "be still and wait?"

Honestly, this isn't an easy place to be in...

How do I follow God and be obedient to what He is calling me to do at this time yet also be submissive to my husband?

UGH!

Can you say between a rock and a hard place?

I've decided the only thing I can do is pray.

Seriously pray.

I believe if God is calling me to a place of waiting and going back to school full time, He will provide all I need for this to happen.

I truly believe this with all of my heart.

I have been seeking Him, believing Him and relying on Him for all of this and I know He will make it happen if this is His will for me at this time.

I want to follow God for the plan He has for my life.

And right now His plan for me is to be still and wait...

What is God telling you right now?

What is He working out in your life?

Does it seem to much to ask?

Be confident in the LORD...He has amazing plans for you!

"All this also comes from the LORD Almighty, whose plan is wonderful, whose wisdom is magnificent." Isaiah 28:29

The Biggest Loser

2011-09-06T09:15:00.000-04:00

We and our best friends have just started our own rendition of the Biggest Loser. As we sat yesterday on our last day of our 3-day weekend, in one of our favorite restaurants in Mt. Dora, surrounded by chicken wings, pizza, etc...we decided enough was enough. So a contest has begun.

The four of us weighed in last night when we returned home...Michelle and I were mortified by the numbers we saw on the scale as were our hubbies by their own weigh in numbers. I'm not sure when this extra weight snuck up on me but I am ready to get back to where I once was.

Because I am a complete coward, I won't be posting a before picture...I just can't do it.

I admit it, I'm embarrassed.

However, our contest has begun and we have one month to lose weight and then weigh in again.

We each put $25.00 in a "pot". The individual with the biggest percentage of weight loss wins the "pot" and then the couple with the biggest percentage of weigh loss gets taken out to dinner by the other couple.

The four of us are pretty competitive, me being the least competitive of the four...

We'll see where it all ends up in one month....

He Covers Me...

2011-09-02T08:23:00.000-04:00

I took a giant leap of faith last month and followed God on some things He was calling me to do. One of those things was returning to school full-time and completing my degree in mental health counseling. I put school on hold last fall when I began working full-time, but it never left my thoughts. God has put many things in motion for this to happen and I am amazed at all that is happening in my life right now. I am FULL of HOPE and looking forward to following Him every step of the way.

Sometimes in the midst of circumstances and trials it's hard to see God's hand. Looking for it and striving to reach it in the midst of the storm it's often hard to grasp.

But, He is there.

He is always there.

He knows exactly where each one of us is, He knows our struggles, He knows every tear we cry, He knows every pain we feel, and He knows why we are where we are, even when we can't see it.

I believe this wholeheartedly for me and for you.

God has a plan for my life and He has a plan for your life....

It often takes stepping out of the static to gain perspective on that.

I had to step away from many things to get back on track with God's plan for me.

I had to leave and grieve and step out of my comfort zone to allow God to show me what it is He wants for me.

I'm so glad I did.

What about you?

Is God calling you to something and you are struggling with trusting Him for this?

Is He asking you to lay some things down so that He can begin a new work in you?

Is He stirring your heart for something fresh and new, yet you can't make sense of it?

He will cover you...just as He has covered me.

"Who redeems your life from the pit and corruption, Who beautifies, dignifies, and crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercy" Psalm 103: 4 (amplified)

Renewed

2011-08-27T11:16:00.000-04:00

This has probably been one of the hardest years of my life. I've written blogs and haven't published them for fear of exposing to much of what I was feeling inside. I want my blog to be a place of hope and encouragement so my writings are left sitting in my queue, a reminder of the places I have been this year.

I know that we all go through seasons of our lives and this particular season for me has been emotionally, spiritually, and physically exhausting. On the other hand I have come to a place where I am full of peace despite my circumstances. I've had to make some tough decisions in regard to relationships, work, and my future...some of these decisions have left me in a puddle of tears on the floor. But all along I have felt the gentle nudge of God moving me in the direction He wants me to go. I don't know why I fight him so hard sometimes. Some things He asks of me are easy and I have no problem being obedient right away, others are not so easy and in my humanness I question and wrestle with why He would ask me to do such a thing! Ever been there?

Yet, here I sit renewed and full of hope. I am excited about all God has called me to do. One of the most exciting things is that I am back in graduate school full time. I sat this week surrounded by my course books, writing papers for class, and connecting with other students and I couldn't have been happier! I know, I'm a nerd...I mean, who gets excited over school books and paper writing?

I do.

I love every piece of it. I love knowing that in May I will have my masters degree in counseling, something I have dreamed of since I was a little girl.

This year has brought my writing to a different place. I haven't blogged or felt inspired to write like I once had.

But...

I am slowly feeling the urge to write again.

I feel the creative juices beginning to flow again.

And that makes me very excited.

I've missed writing, I've missed my blog friends, I've missed sharing our lives and the community I was once a part of.

So I pray I'll be hearing more from all of you and that I will begin to post regularly once again.

"but those who hope in the LORD
   will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
   they will run and not grow weary,
   they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31

Sharing My Story...

2011-07-01T08:52:00.000-04:00

This past weekend at my home church, Grace Family Church, my testimony was shared via video...Bryan, our brilliant videographer at church had an amazing vision after reading my testimony...the weeks leading up to this past weekend were difficult. I struggled with many things and one of the constant thoughts in my head was "why are you doing this?" "Why are you going to let a church of almost 7000 people know your secret?" I honestly thought about calling Bryan and saying "pull it, I don't want anyone to see it." I didn't, but the thought was there often...needless to say it was shown and GOD shined like no other...My story really isn't about me. It's about OUR GOD who has done a MIGHTY work in me...It's about OUR GOD who can do a MIGHTY work in you if you let Him...

I'm sharing it here with you...in hopes that there are women who will step out of the shadows and receive healing and all that God has for them...

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

Lost then FOUND...

2011-06-25T08:58:00.000-04:00

I'll be honest. Words have failed me of late. Oh, I have plenty going on inside of me lately, however the words just won't come. I've been wrestling with so many things that I am beginning to wonder if I will ever be able to sort them all out. Dreams, goals, failures, family, friends, faith etc....you name it, it's in there rolling around inside of my head. At times I seriously want to shake my head as hard as I can and get them ALL out. Start fresh.

Dreams: Too many to count, some have come true, others I am still waiting on and some I have given up on all together.

Goals: Have set some new ones.

Failures: They seem to be creeping up on me reminding me that I HAVE FAILED.

Family: Where do I even begin? It's been an emotional year where family is concerned and I am still walking this thing out. It's not been easy. It's been quite painful.

Friends: I've had friends come and go, watched pain and heartache through the lives of my friends, said many prayers to save marriages, save children, save lives....

Faith: Seriously, it's been lacking this past month. I've questioned, I've cried, and I've wondered. Just being real here.

I'll be honest. I've questioned God. A LOT. I have. I've been down and out wondering WHY? WHY GOD? I don't think there is much more I can handle. Yet, deep within my soul I know my turning from Him is not the answer to any of the above. In fact, I tried. I've skipped my morning quiet times with God for the past month. I haven't cracked open my Bible at all. And here I sit. Wonder why I am where I am? Read the last few sentences. That sums it up pretty nicely.

Not being in God's word has put me in a place of fear and doubt. I have questioned my faith, questioned God and been seeking answers from the outside. I have looked at others lives who don't believe in God and thought, "well, their life isn't lacking for anything and they don't believe." Yes, I have seriously thought that. I can't help it, I'm human.

I'm finding my way back. I know I cannot do this life without God. Yet, I struggle. I don't want people to look at me on the outside and think that I have it all together. I don't want them to think that "everything's fine" and "she's always so together."

Quite frankly, I don't have it all together and if we can't share our struggles who then are we helping?
If we aren't REAL then we cheat those who may be struggling as well.

So I do not write this post for a pity party for me (although I would covet your prayers right now), but I write it to be REAL and to hopefully find my voice again.

6/24/11

I wrote that post on June 3rd and it has been sitting for weeks. I wasn't going to post it but then decided to because it explains where I have been the last month or so. My wake up call was my husband saying "I'm worried about you, you're not in a good place." And I wasn't. I had turned away from God and tried to take my life into my own hands...By turning away I mean I wasn't listening to Him on a regular basis, I wasn't having my quiet times with Him and I thought I could do things "better" on my own.

I was wrong.

So very wrong.

Honestly, I have been a complete MESS...

Where I have been has impacted my relationships, my friendships, and my work.

Not a very fun place.

BUT,

There's always a "but" with GOD (thankfully).

I have found my way back. I am slowly climbing out of the pit I have been in.

I have cracked open my Bible the last few weeks and started to journal again.

I feel like I am living again.

I am seeking God with all that I am.

I am running into His embrace as fast as I can.

I am seeking HIS will for my life and not man's will.

I am believing HIS plan for my life is better than any other plan out there.

And because of this I have peace...and hope.

If you have lost your hope, crack open God's word. It's full of HOPE...

And email me, I would LOVE To pray for you. jenniekitt@mac.com

Sharing my story

2011-05-23T08:36:00.002-04:00

Please join me over at Lisa Shaw's blog http://www.hislovecoversoursins.com/ where I am sharing my story.

Imagine Me

2011-05-05T17:33:00.001-04:00

I just arrived home from a 6 day trip to New Mexico for work. I'm still trying to process all that happened over these 6 days but I wanted to share what I have processed with you.
Pat has a woman's conference called "Imagine Me, Set Free." First Baptist Church Ruidoso hosted the conference this past weekend. And hosted is an understatement! They blew us away with their hospitality. From the moment we were picked up at the airport to the moment we were dropped back off 6 days later, they treated us above and beyond what we could have ever imagined. It was AMAZING. I met and fell in love with so many women this weekend, I didn't want to leave.

Our Team from Tampa

Flying into Roswell

(I just loved this)

Hello Roswell

The bags each woman received for the conference

The Coffee Shop in First Baptist Ruidoso

(Don't you just love this?)

The men's rooms were made into ladies rooms!

(I love this!)

Just for fun!

Pat and Kalisha our worship leader

The Cross for The Great Exchange

I wish I could have taken this home with me.

The 2nd cross for The Great Exchange

Gift boxes on each seat filled with chocolates!

One of our hostesses!

Debbie Wilbourn, she is amazing.

Pat and Me

I had the privilege or praying with many different women this weekend. Some who were giving their lives to Christ for the first time, others who were stuck in their pasts and suffering because of it. Women who want all that God has for them and this weekend their hope was renewed. They left it all at The Foot of The Cross....and walked away redeemed, restored, and renewed! How I love God! He can take a broken woman, heal her, restore her and fill her with His hope and love! No one else can do that. NO ONE.

Sunday morning we attended the 11:00 am service at First Baptist Ruidoso. Pastor Alan spoke such a powerful word. I wanted to pick up my little family and move to Ruidoso just so I could get teaching like that every week! That man is anointed! After service, Jeana, Pastor Alan's wife and probably one of the most amazing woman I have ever met, she is fiery and real and I love that in a person. Anyway, she had me come up to the alter with her a pray for this precious girl who was about 17. She was crying and so sad about where she was in her life and the choices she had made to get herself there. When we were done praying, I knelt before her and looked her square in the eye and said, "my past is so ugly I shouldn't even be here. But because of Jesus I am. He saved me, redeemed me and restored and wants the same for you. There is NOTHING that you can do that can separate you from His love. NOTHING. He wants to heal you and make you whole. He doesn't like where you are anymore than you do and He wants to help you out of there".

Then I just hugged her.

I've been praying for her and all the other women ever since.

And I have been in complete awe of God. That he could take someone like me and use me to minister to other women.

It blows my mind.

Completely.

And I remember this promise from Him.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
   because the LORD has anointed me
   to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
   to proclaim freedom for the captives
   and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
   and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
  and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
   a planting of the LORD
   for the display of his splendor.

  They will rebuild the ancient ruins
   and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
   that have been devastated for generations".
   Isaiah 61:1-4

Down....But Not Out

2011-04-26T08:50:00.000-04:00

I'm in this season of BLECH....for lack of a better word. I don't like where I am. Yesterday, my best friend sent an email saying, "well, God has you here, what are you going to take from it?" Not exactly what I wanted to hear from her. I wanted the "poor me comfort," you know what I'm talking about. I wanted her to agree with me on everything and say all the right things, well what I thought would have been the right things at the time. Turns out she DID say the right thing. Aren't best friends just like that? There's no beating around the bush, there's just plain truth...I needed it.
I didn't want it, but I needed it.

Pic of me and Michelle

This morning I woke up at 3:50am....I tossed and turned for about 20 minutes and then begrudgingly got out of bed. I knew who woke me up and I knew who wanted a WORD with me although I was trying to ignore Him.
That just never works.
I dragged myself to my office, took out my Bible and journal and spent the next 2 hours baring my soul to the Lord. It wasn't pretty. My heart was burdened and heavy. I was being stubborn and prideful. I poured it all out to God.
That's what I love about Him. He takes me as I am. Stubborn, full of pride, broken hearted, and just plain ugly at times.
He still opens His arms for me.
I haven't figured it all out yet. I know what I need to do. I'm just not quite ready yet. My heart still hurts. It's pretty tender right now.
I have to believe that God knows where I am. He knows how I am struggling and He knows I am not ready yet. The wounds are too raw.
I have to believe that He knows my heart, knows that I will get there one day, it just may take me a little while.
I have to believe that He has a plan for all of this.
To work it out for HIS GLORY.
I have to believe that He is patient with me and will lead me to where I need to be.
I have to believe that He understands my pain and He will heal it.
Even when I am being ugly...

So I am down, but not out. I am at a fork in the road and need to make some choices.

I know if I keep following Him and being real before Him, He will lead me down the right one.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Matthew 11:28

Called

2011-04-18T19:52:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting in my hotel room in Bryant, Arkansas after a day training for Surrendering the Secret with Pat. For those of you who don't know, I am Pat's assistant and program manager for Surrendering the Secret, which is a whole other God story that I will fill you in on some time.

I have the pleasure of traveling with Pat for our certified leader trainings and I have the privilege of meeting the most amazing women. As their names come in my office for registration I pray for each one, knowing that this ministry is not easy. The day of training I get to finally see them face to face and I love to just hug on them. I know, kind of unprofessional, however, we are already like family, since we are doing this ministry thing together. This very HARD and often lonely ministry.

The trainings are a place to connect with other women who have a heart for post-abortion recovery. And I must stress that not all of them are post-abortive. Which I think is so fantastic. To have women there training, to help other women heal from their past abortion, who have never walked that road, is such an awesome testimony to who God is. Especially when you ARE post-abortive and think that no one could possibly love and accept you if they knew what you did.

As I sit in these trainings and look out at the women I see so many different faces. Faces of women who you would never imagine have had an abortion. Women who you would look at and think they had it all together. Women who suffered silently for years pretending that they did have it all together.

And here they sit. Healed, Restored and on a MISSION to help other women heal from their past.

And here I sit, healed, restored, renewed and called to this ministry.
Not exactly where I would have put myself, but EXACTLY where God wants me.

These trainings fire me up!

I listen to testimony after testimony of the pain and shame that our "choice" has caused and then the best part, the GOD part, the part of their testimony that speaks of God's healing and restoration in their lives and the mission He has put on their heart.

So we come together as strangers and leave one another as sisters. Sisters paving the way for other sisters to come forward and receive the healing that only God can give.

If you read my last post, you will know that I have been struggling with how other people view me or what they think of my testimony. Some have said some pretty ugly things, some have even walked away.

But,

I love this part.

But, GOD.

He cares about my story, He has redeemed me, He has saved me, He has rescued me and He has called me into this ministry. He has called me to NOT be silent about my story. He has called me to reach out to the brokenhearted and lead them to HIM. He has called me to NOT worry about what everyone thinks and to keep pressing on.

So that's what I will do.

I will do what HE has called me to do and nothing less.

No matter the cost.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
   because the LORD has anointed me
   to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
   to proclaim freedom for the captives
   and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
   and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called mighty oaks,
   a planting of the LORD
   for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations....

... Instead of your shame
   you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
   you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
   and everlasting joy will be yours.

Isaiah 61:1-4, 7

You Will Have Trouble

2011-04-12T09:05:00.000-04:00

I'm in a "weird" season.

I'm not quite sure how I got here, it's not some place where I would like to stay for very long, however, I am here and I am trying to make the most of it.

My extended family is fractured in a way that I would have never thought possible. Never in my wildest dreams did I even think this could happen to my family. Yet, here we are with hurts that are extremely deep and pride that is very BIG.

This morning in my quiet time I was praying over this situation and my heart physically hurt. I miss my family. I miss what once was and honestly, I don't know if we'll ever get it back. It's just plain sad.

I've also been wrestling with God over some things. It's never fun to wrestle with God because HE always WINS!!! I don't know why I do it because I know the outcome is going to be His way not mine. Still, I wrestle...I even WHINE, cry, shake my fists and yes, I admit it, I even try to ignore what He is telling me.....I wonder if He laughs to himself because He knows He's going to win and I'm going to lose!!

Living my life for God is not always an easy road. Sometimes it's just plain H.A.R.D.
This season I am in is just that. It's HARD.
I've been ridiculed for my faith in Jesus, I've been shunned, I've had people leave my life because of it....and it hurts.

It just hurts...

I've come to realize that people think I'm weird for believing in Jesus. They think I'm weird for following Him, for believing that the Bible is true, for believing that He has a plan for my life, and for believing that He actually hears me, speaks to me and loves me.

People think I'm WEIRD!

And sometimes that hurts...

It would be nice to blend in, to go with the flow, to be a follower of our society. It would be so much easier. People would love me, accept me, embrace me for being like "them." For being "normal."

And I've been wrestling with that. I truly have. It would be so easy to just throw my hands in the air and say, "this isn't working God. People hate me. People are leaving me. People are making fun of me. I can't do this anymore. This is too painful and it hurts far more than I thought possible. I give up. I quit."

But guess what?

It would NOT be easy to turn my back on Jesus.

It would be devastating.

It would break me.

I would rather go through all that I am and still have Jesus.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Happily Ever After

2011-04-08T08:39:00.000-04:00

Wednesday at our staff meeting, our director was speaking about being authentic. It struck such a deep cord within me. I want to be authentic. I want my life to reflect what I believe and what my convictions are. I want to be transparent, so that others can see that I can't do this life without Jesus. I just couldn't. I surround myself with people who are indeed authentic. I do this on purpose because it keeps me real. I don't want to hide behind masks or some wall and have people not see the real me.

Speaking of authenticity. Yesterday, I recorded my testimony at church. This is a HUGE step for me. Yes, I speak of it here on my blog and I talk with many people about it. However, showing my testimony to a my home church (my LARGE home church) is a little intimidating.

I walked into the sound room and there in the middle of the room was a green screen, cameras, a microphone, podium, chair, and my testimony. Can you feel me shaking? I wasn't sure what I had pictured but it wasn't this. I sat in the chair and read my testimony quietly and then the guys said, "are you ready?" Inside, I was thinking NOOOOOOOOO, I am NOT ready....but very sweetly I said "yes." Again, what in the world am I doing here?

As I began to read my story, God's story, an overwhelming feeling of peace and also strength came over me. Peace, because I knew God was there and this is His story. Strength, because if my story helps one woman come forward to receive healing then it's worth it. It is so worth it.

My story is not something to be ashamed of. It's something to be celebrated. It's to be celebrated because it ends with "and she lives happily ever after."

Do you know why it ends this way?

Because of Jesus.

I am healed. I am whole. I have been redeemed. And I will spend eternity with MY KING....

If that isn't a happily ever after I don't know what is!

Are you living a happily ever after?

Do you know Jesus?

Do you know that HE is the ONLY one who can make your ending say "happily ever after."

If you don't, I would be happy to pray with you.

You can contact me via email at jenniekitt@ mac.com

She Speaks/She Reads Contest

2011-04-01T16:06:00.000-04:00

There is a writers conference that I have looked at for years, desired to go but never had the courage to actually do so. It's called She Speaks and it is for writers and speakers. One of my blogger friends asked me just a few weeks ago, if I was going to attend. I told her I hadn't seriously considered it. I HAVE thought about it and dreamt about what it would be like to attend, however I let fear, finances, etc...clutter my actions.

Today, I received an email to one of the blogs I subscribe too. They are hosting a contest for a FREE scholarship to the conference!! So, I figured since it couldn't hurt, I am trying out. They asked us to write a story in 6 words. You can find more details here: http://www.shereads.org/ and also find out more about the conference here:http://shespeaksconference.com/

Here is my story in 6 words:

Once Lost. Jesus Found. Now Free.

What do you think?

I had to Laugh...

2011-03-31T10:33:00.000-04:00

Well, my post the other day titled "Leaving...part 2" had some of my friends on high alert for me. I couldn't figure out why at first. I didn't think my post was that sad...however, when my friend Luisa commented on Facebook she wrote, "I had to turn the music down and wipe the tears from my eyes," I laughed out loud.

You see a couple of posts ago I had uploaded a song from Barlow Girl that they had written about abortion. It's a very moving song and the video that goes along with it is just beautiful. Any who, that song apparently keeps playing every time my blog is opened. So as my friends were reading about my heart ache, the thought the song went with the post and assumed I was a complete disaster.

I am fine...Really! I am. Just missing my boy a bit. We have skyped everyday and he is having a blast. He wants us all to move to Madrid...wouldn't that be something?

I took some pictures of him while skyping (I know, dorky) but it was good to see him.

Leaving...Part two

2011-03-29T20:38:00.001-04:00

Tylor's been gone for 5 days now.

I've been doing great...

until today...

Well, if I am truthful, it started last night.

I had just finished telling Will,

"I miss Tylor, but I am good, my heart doesn't ache or anything,

I know he is having a blast."

Guess what?

The ache started last night.

As I was going to sleep memories of Tylor started coming to my mind.

I felt the slight ache.

Today, we Skyped while I was at work.

Could he possibly have grown up more in 5 days?

Yes, he did.

He was telling me how much fun he was having, how they watched a movie at Alvaro's and it had English subtitles, how they went go-karting on Sunday and toured Madrid on Monday.

Seeing him made me want to jump through the computer screen

and just hug his neck and never let go.

I'm sure he'd love that in front of all of his friends.

When we said good-bye my heart ached even more and I wanted to burst into tears.

I didn't, but they were so very close to the surface.

My boy is becoming a man.

He is growing and experiencing life on his own.

I know it's as it should be.

I know it's in God's plans.

But my momma's heart is missing her boy more than she thought possible.

Emma and Ethan are missing him too.

Ethan especially.

I don't think he realized how close he and Tylor are until this.

He has never known life without him.

So I am counting down the days.

9 more to go....

Can't wait to hug his neck...

Leaving....

2011-03-26T10:35:00.000-04:00

There's something surreal about letting your 13 year old

travel half way around the world.

To live and do life with another family.

A family that has become quite dear to us over the last 2 years.

You see, they have sent their son to us twice.

The first year Alvaro arrived he was 10.

Yes, 10.

And we had an amazing experience with him.

While here he celebrated his 11th birthday.

This year Alvaro arrived again and the bond that was

formed the previous year was strengthened.

Our school here in Tampa has a "sister" school in Madrid.

Our head master travels there quite often to teach them

and also learn from them.

We have started this exchange program so a group of children from Madrid travel here every year with their teachers and then a group from our school then travels to Madrid with their Spanish teachers.

This year Tylor is one of them.

8 kids and 3 teachers.

Yesterday, we drove Tylor to the airport for his

trip to Alvaro and his family.

Preparing to leave

Ty and Me

Tylor and Us

Tylor arriving in Madrid

We Skyped this morning with Tylor and the Gutierrez Family.

They are so excited to have Tylor with them.

It is the coolest thing to be able to Skype and see one another.

Tylor is tired after his trip but very happy.

He said that Madrid is "AWESOME"

Rosa was telling me that Alvaro keeps saying,

"I can't believe he is really here."

I was unbelievably calm yesterday.

I didn't even cry when he left.

I know that God has plans for Tylor's life and God is FOR Tylor.

I have trust in MY GOD and a peace that transcends all understanding.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:7

I'm Letting Go....

2011-03-21T08:32:00.000-04:00

Tylor is leaving for Spain on Friday.

He'll be gone for 2 weeks.

He's going with his school.

8 kids, 3 teachers.

He'll be staying with Alvaro and his family.

Alvaro is the student from Spain who has stayed

with us the last two years.

So now Tylor is going to stay with them.

Am I freaking out?

Sort of.

I'm trying to keep my fears in check.

I'm trying to not let my mind wander to all the "what ifs."

I read a post over at "The Preachers Wife," if you haven't

visited her blog, you must!

She's wonderful.

Her son is going on a missions trip and her words

have stuck with me this week.

God is for ME and He is for TYLOR.

He has plans for both of us and He will bring Tylor back home.

This is a part of His plan and Tylor will come back

forever changed from this experience.

It will a trip of a lifetime and something he will never forget.

So this momma, although somewhat freaked out about this,

is trusting God with all of it.

I'm letting go...

He's in control.

He has Tylor in the palm of his hand.

He is FOR TYLOR.

I would so appreciate you prayers over the next few weeks for my guy (and me).

I can't wait to fill you in on his trip!

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends....

2011-03-16T21:38:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you just need your closest girlfriends to listen and other times you need them to hold you accountable, call you out, and love you through it. That's exactly what I have with my girls who I am doing life with on Wednesday nights. What started out as a 6-week bible study walking through the book of Ruth, has turned into, well, more than a Bible Study group. This group of girls that God has knit together on Wednesday nights has become such an integral part of my life and I almost let it go. I've been having a bit of a rough couple of weeks. Will went back to work full-time and Emma has been having a difficult time adjusting hence, MOMMY GUILT.

I hate mommy guilt, but none the less, it's real and I've been having plenty of it. With both of us working full time the kids have to stay in extended day at school and Emma is just having a hard time. It's difficult for me to see her struggle with this so I have been dropping everything to be with her as much as I can. I even tried to drop my Wednesday night group! Thankfully, my BFF called me out on it and I reluctantly showed up tonight, after quite a few tears from Emma. However, it was the BEST thing I could have done for myself. I feel better, the weight I was carrying has dropped (at least by a few pounds) and my entire attitude has changed.

All this in just under 2 hours with the girls!

What I've realized is that I am not good at saying I'm having a hard time. Call it pride, call it whatever you like, but mostly I call it unhealthy. I'm so good at being there for everyone else and listening to their problems, but I am NOT good at sharing my own. Thankfully, my BFF knows that and calls me out on it when I try to recede.

So tonight, I let it all roll off of my tongue. And it felt SO good.

I mean, if you can't be REAL with your closest friends, who CAN you be real with?

Metamorphosis

2011-03-08T08:32:00.000-05:00

Metamorphosis:

any complete change in appearance, character, circumstances, etc.

a form resulting from any such change.

As I was driving home from the final group of Surrendering the Secret last night I couldn't help but think of the change that God has let me be a part of. Not that I had any part in them changing, just that He let me watch as He completely changed each one of the six women. They morphed right before my very eyes. From the first night of group eight weeks ago, when each one was so filled with shame and guilt, to the beauty in their faces that has emerged because of the redemption and forgiveness that only He can give. I'm always left in awe. I'm always left saying "look at what you do Lord." Each woman left the group last night different from who she was 8 weeks ago. Each one had a beautiful "glow" to them. And each one will be used by God in such a mighty way because of their obedience to heal from their pasts. It wasn't an easy journey. But I bet if you asked each woman she would say it was worth it.

God is in the business of healing and restoration. He cares about your story. He cares about your pain. He cares about YOU. He wants every piece of you, so that you can be made whole. He loves you that much.

Is there something that you need to lay down? Is there pain in your past that has built walls around your heart? God wants it. All of it. He will carry this burden for you. He will redeem and restore you, if you let him.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Gotcha Day!

2011-03-06T08:52:00.000-05:00

Four years ago today I was in China anxiously

waiting to meet my daughter.

This morning was a morning I had waited for for many years.

2 1/2 to be exact.

What started out to be a 6-9 month journey turned into a

2 1/2 year journey and one I wasn't prepared for.

I didn't realize this journey would be so hard.

Waiting for a daughter I had never seen was probably the hardest thing I have ever done.

Many tears fell during the wait and many prayers went up to God for her,

her birth parents, and her foster parents.

The day finally arrived when we received her picture via email.

"Here is a picture of your daughter" it said.

The tears that fell out of both of mine and Will's eyes were tears of joy for a little girl we had dreamed of for so long and for the first time it was being revealed to us who she was.

God had her picked out before the beginning of time.

Our precious Emma.

Sweet Emma, your smile lights up a room. Your laughter is contagious. Your love knows no bounds. Your strength exceeds anything I have ever seen. Your love completes our family. You are truly a gift from God, a living miracle for all the world to see.

God had a plan for you to become a part of us, to make our family complete.

He grew you, not in my tummy, but in my heart, along with Daddy's, Tylor's and Ethan's.

There are not enough words to describe the love we have

for you or the joy you bring to each one of us.

I'm so honored that God chose us to be your family.

And I will continually pray for your birth parents to know, somewhere deep in their hearts, that you are safe and so deeply loved.

I know they must think of you every day and wonder where you are.

Your light shines so bright my girl.

God has big plans for you.

You asked me the other day if "Jesus has a gotcha day" and I told you yes.

He has many of them.

Every time someone accepts Jesus in their heart he has a "gotcha day"

and he celebrates just like we do.

I love you sweet girl.

Always and Forever

Tears Fall

2011-03-05T08:31:00.000-05:00

I just finished watching this video and with tears streaming down my face

I wanted to share it with you.

It's such a powerful song with a powerful message.

So many women have no idea what they are in for after their abortion.

They have no clue that they are going to end up at the bottom of a very dark pit.

Some for YEARS.

Like me...

18 years.

From my choice to "chose"

The pain and suffering from that choice left me in a
very dark place for far too many years.
And so I walk with women who have made that choice so that
they too can heal from the only one who can heal us.
JESUS
There is so much to His name.
Power, healing, restoration, freedom, joy, love, peace, kindness, acceptance,
forgiveness, truth, sincerity, help, hope, and so many more.
Take a look at this video and listen to the words of this song.
I would love to hear what you think.

Being Spiritual

2011-03-03T08:31:00.000-05:00

I had a friend say to me that she isn't feeling very spiritual right now.

What exactly is "being spiritual" anyway?

She went on to say that she hasn't been spending time with God and feels a bit disconnected.

She said that she knows I have my quiet time every morning and sees me as "spiritual."

I have to tell you that I don't feel "spiritual" at all!!

I told her that there are days in my quiet time when I am reading my Bible and
I think to myself"what in the world does that mean?"

The words don't jump off the page and God certainly
isn't giving me divine revelation every morning.

What HAS happened over the years is that I crave this time.

I truly crave it.

I need my time with God in the morning.

It hasn't always been like this.

I started a few years ago waking up to do my Bible study homework in the quiet of the morning.

Then that moved into reading my Bible more and more during this time.
I am a journaler as well so I take this time to journal to God.

This has become something that I love to do.

Are there mornings when I don't want to get up?

Yes.

Are there mornings when I am still sleepy eyed,

trying to keep my eyes open with my Bible on my lap?

Yes.

Do I miss some mornings all together?

Yes.

But I have found that the more I make this a part of my day,
the more I get out of my day.
God is ever present.
He wants time with each one of us.
He wants us to grow closer to Him every day.

We can only do this by spending time with Him.
Even if it starts out with 5 minutes.
Just 5 minutes will help you draw near to Him and Him to you.
5 minutes to be still before Him and rest in who He is.
Start there.
It doesn't have to be in the early morning hours.
I once heard someone say that it did and I immediately thought "well I fail."
At that time in my life, I did my Bible study and quiet time at night when the kids went to bed.
Honestly, God doesn't care what time it is,
He only cares that you make SOME time for Him.
Start with 5 minutes and see where it goes.

Forgiveness

2011-02-25T09:37:00.001-05:00

Forgiveness isn't an easy thing, especially when the wounds are deep.

Forgiveness is a commandment from God and one that I must obey, even if I am

kicking and screaming while doing it! However,

I know that harboring unforgiveness

doesn't hurt the person who hurt me,

it ONLY hurts me.

Forgiveness will simmer beneath the surface and a bitter root will begin to take hold. Once it has it's grip on me, it will be hard to let it go.

So I am choosing to forgive the person who hurt me.

I am choosing to let go of the anger and

hurt that I have been holding on to.

I want to talk about what forgiveness is and isn't:

We have a chapter on this is our Surrendering the Secret book

and it's applicable to every situation.

"Forgiveness is NOT forgettting. Forgiveness is NOT minimizing the hurt.Forgiveness does NOT mean reconciliation. True forgiveness is seldom easy. It can be quite costly, but it's a powerful weapon for tearing down strongholds in our lives and in our hearts. The enemy uses unforgiveness and anger to keep us in bondage. When we surrender our unforgiveness and anger, we set our own hearts free so God can take us places we never dreamed possible" (Layton, 2008, pg. 84)

I want those places. The places where only God can take me.

I will not let bitterness and unforgiveness hold me back.

I could sit and stew and grumble about the "situation" however,

that does no one any bit of good. Especially me.

I will not let someone have that much power over me.

And that's what we give people when we don't forgive.

We give them power over our emotions, our mind, our words, our actions,

it will begin to seep into every part of our lives if we don't forgive.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked,

“Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother

or sister who sins against me?

Up to seven times?”Jesus answered,

"I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to

settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement,

a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him.

Since he was not able to pay, the master

ordered that he and his wife and his children

and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

“At this the servant fell on his knees before him.

‘Be patient with me,’

he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’

The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

“But when that servant went out, he found one of his

fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.

He grabbed him and began to choke him.

‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him,

‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had

the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.

When the other servants saw what had happened,

they were outraged and went and told their

master everything that had happened.

“Then the master called the servant in.

‘You wicked servant,’ he said,

‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.

Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’

In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured,

until he should pay back all he owed.

“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless

you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Matthew 18:21-35

So I will forgive and let go...and move on to the things that only God can give me...

Even though reconciliation isn't in the cards, I can still let go and let GOD!

It's so much better than sitting and stewing, isn't it?

Lessons Learned in the Mountains

2011-02-23T08:24:00.000-05:00

I just spent 3 days in North Carolina with my family. The five of us (plus 2 dogs) drove up and stayed with my parents. It was absolutely wonderful. I didn't know how much I would need that time but God revealed many things during this trip. It was a time to reflect on the past year, to look at where God has brought me and some dreams that have long been in my heart, but I've been too afraid to go after them. It was a time with family, that was so needed. Life seems to be in over-drive lately, and I never want my family to not feel connected. I never want to look back and think "I should have done that or said that." It was a special time to just "be." I've realized that it's good to slow down and take a step back at times, to let the world go on around you as you quietly sit back and watch for a moment or two. Life is much slower in the mountains. No one is in a hurry and everyone has a "hello" for each other or a wave while driving by in passing cars. It was refreshing.

Here are some pictures from our trip...

The kids on a snow mound

Amazing views

Me and my dad

Mom, Emma & Me

Mom and the kids

Catching up

2011-02-17T06:26:00.000-05:00

I've been quiet around here lately.

Life has been busy and I haven't had a moment to really sit down and blog.

I have been trying to pop on occasionally and visit other blogs but that too has been scarce.

I miss my blog community!

We are heading north tomorrow,

headed for North Carolina to visit my parents.

I cannot wait to get there.

To sit on their front porch and look at at the mountains.

There's something majestic about it.

I also can't wait to have my family to myself for 4 days.

I may not be saying that after a 10 hour drive with all of them but for now a girl can dream.

When we first planned this quick trip I envisioned sleigh riding and snow ball fights.

However, mother nature had another plan and it will be in the 60's.

This Florida girl is secretly happy about that but

I'm not telling the kids!

I love me some warm weather.

I have a difficult time in the cold.

So 60's in the mountains is heavenly.

I'm heading into week 6 of Surrendering the Secret.

I have new co-leader this semester who I absolutely adore.

We have 6 women in group this time around.

It's a pretty big group.

4 is my comfort zone but I have come to realize that

God likes to get me out of my comfort zone!

I'm always so humbled and honored that God has called me to this.

He uses my deepest, ugliest secret to reach out to others.

Miraculous really.

So off we go....

I'll check in when I get back.

LifeWay Women Live Webcast

2011-02-07T09:53:00.000-05:00

LifeWay Women Live Webcast
featuring
Surrendering the Secret
with Pat Layton
Feb. 8, 2011
12:00pm-1:00pm (central time)

Join Chris Adams, Senior Lead Women’s Ministry Specialist, Paige Greene, Director of LifeWay Women Training and Events, and Pam Case, Director of LifeWay Women,
12 Noon-1:00 PM CST as they host:
LifeWay Women Live: Surrendering the Secret

With Pat Layton

Tuesday, February 8, 2011 @

12:00 PM – 1:00 PM (Central Time)

For more information click HERE
Without question abortion can be one of the most sensitive and divisive topics facing the church today. After 37 years and over 55 million reported lives lost, statistics reveal that as many as 1 out of 3 women in our church families are hiding the heartbreak of a past abortion. Join host Chris Adams, Pam Case, and Paige Greene along with Pat Layton, Author of Lifeway’s “Surrendering the Secret, Healing the Heartbreak of Abortion” as they discuss this Bible study and the opportunities available for women’s ministry leaders, pastors and Christian counselors for leading women to restoration and hope.

Twittering?
Please use
#LWLive.
Sign Up
HERE
For a Reminder Email

BIG, BOLD Prayers...

2011-02-04T08:29:00.002-05:00

I've been following a wonderful blog called

Spiritually Unequal Marriage

because, well,

I am living in a spiritually unequal marriage.

These two ladies, Dineen and Lynn, are such an encouragement to me

and the many women who are walking this road.

Yesterday, they posted an email from a sweet reader and it has been

at the forefront of my thoughts ever since I read it.

The post was about this particular woman praying for someone to be "dangled over hell" in order for them to see that they needed Jesus and what life would be like without him.

WHOA....

That is a BIG, BOLD PRAYER.

I have a vivid imagination however,
to actually be dangled over hell, well,

I don't want to imagine that for my husband or for anyone I love.

But what if that is what it takes to get them to truly see the truth?

I brought this up in my small group last night and right away they said,

"you need to pray that".

And you know what?

I was scared too.

Truly, scared too.

This girl, who loves Jesus so much is afraid to

pray such a bold, radical prayer.

Do you want to know why?

FEAR

Just plain fear.

I'm afraid of what that could mean for me ( I know, selfish).

Afraid of what we would have to walk through.

Afraid of what that could mean for my children.

My finances, my world as I know it.

And it came down to this,

Do I trust God enough to walk through whatever it takes

for my husband to give his life to Christ?

WOW!

I admit, I'm a coward.

I'm scared.

And I am truly wresting with this one.

Dangled over Hell....

My other choice is to ignore this kind of radical prayer and pray all

the cliche' prayers that I have been praying for years now.

"Please soften his heart"

"blah, blah, blah"

and

"blah, blah, blah"

You know what I mean?

Is God calling me to be radical?

I would love to hear your thought on this...

And here is the link so you can read the actual post.

The Truth about Lies

2011-02-03T09:00:00.001-05:00

This thought has been running in and out of my
mind over the past few days.

Monday night was week 3 of the Surrendering the Secret
group I am facilitating.

This week the women have spent a great deal of
time looking at the truth about abortion.

It's not an easy week.

We had an additional woman join us this night.

It's not something I would normally allow however, she walked in and I couldn't let her walk out.

I know how difficult it is to walk through that door.

I know how much it takes to make that move
and I felt that if I turned her away,

she would never come back.

I was right.

She told us at the end of the group that if she didn't stay,
she wouldn't have come back again.

So now we have 6.

6 very precious women who are surrendering their secret.

6 women who have carried the pain and
shame of their abortion for far too long.

God wants to heal them and make them whole.

He wants them to lay this burden down at His feet.

He will pick it up and carry it for them.

So, we looked at the truth about the abortion industry.

The lies that are spun in the name of "choice."

A new study came out last week from Denmark.

Here is the link if you would like to read it.

Denmark Study

The study states that there are no mental
health risks after an abortion.

I have to say this study made me angry.

I've taken my fair share of statistics and I know
how to break down a study.

I know what questions to ask regarding the
study to find out what type of research was done.

Even knowing all of this, I know that there are
plenty of studies that are completely biased.

There is not a study in the world that
can convince me that abortion has no impact!

I sit, week after week,
with women who are broken from their abortion.

I watch as the pain and shame of their abortion finally

comes bubbling to the surface after 10, 20, 30+ years.

The raw emotions that have been kept suppressed
are finally allowed to be released.

And the tears fall.

They fall and fall and fall.

The hurt and pain that they have kept hidden
so very deep inside is allowed to be seen.

And the healing has begun....

Women who have had an abortion lie....

Sorry, but we do.

First, we lie about the abortion.

We rarely tell anyone that we have had one (let alone multiple).

Second, if we actually do reveal this secret to anyone,

we lie about it's effect on us.

We wouldn't want anyone to see us fall apart
or not be in control,

so we lie.

We lie on the paperwork in our doctor's offices.

When the paperwork asks how many pregnancies
you have had, we lie.

We would never write on our paperwork
that we have had an abortion.
Not even our doctor.

When we finally realize that we need help from this,

we lie about what Bible Study group we are going to for that help.

And it's not until we have been completely
healed from our abortions,

then we start speaking the truth.

ALL of it is based on lies.

There is no truth in any of it.

I would be bold enough to say that many of the women who participated in the Denmark study probably
lied about their answers.

And their answers, and our silence, are not helping anyone.

It's not helping the girl in the crisis pregnancy situation.

It's not helping others who are suffering from their abortion choice.

It's not helping one bit....

We must speak the truth.

We must be healed, by the only one who can heal us,

and then be a voice for this lie.

It's the only way to be free...

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"

John 8:32

Jennifer

To Blind To See

2011-01-30T10:34:00.000-05:00

Today in my quiet time God opened my eyes to a heaviness that has been upon me,

a heaviness that I was too blind to see.

Isn't that just like the enemy?

I have been walking around in a fog of defeat and unworthiness

for a dream I won't let surface because of this fog.

I have been studying the book of Ruth with my amazing group of girlfriends.

We meet on Thursday nights at a sweet little independently owned coffee shop in "downtown" Lutz.

There are a tremendous amount of lessons to be learned in the book of Ruth.

And let me tell you, I am learning them.

This past Thursday our topic of conversation revolved around

the difference between guilt and conviction.

Michelle stated that guilt is fear based and from the enemy,

while conviction is truth based and from God.

Which I agree, but how do you tell the difference?

I found this from a fellow blogger,

"I do think there is a difference between guilt and conviction. Guilt is simply feeling bad about something that was said or done or something we didn't do.

But conviction is different. At least I think it is. Conviction often feels a lot like guilt. We feel bad or ashamed of the things we have done or chosen not to do. But conviction also has a very different component to it. Conviction means being so convinced that our current lives are not what God intends for us that we seek to change our lives to make them more in line with God. When we are convicted of something there's a change the occurs inside of us and as a result, our actions change." www.theothersixdays.blogspot.com

I love the line that states, "conviction means being so convinced that our current lives are not what God intends for us that we seek to change our lives to make them more in line with God."

It's a powerful sentence and I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

So back to the beginning of my post.

I have been letting guilt, unworthiness and fear rule me.

I walk around wearing a mask that "everything's fine" yet I am truly not fine.

Not when it comes to these feelings.

So I am digging out of them.

Inch by inch.

God has showed me how these feelings have been covering me.

As I was writing in my prayer journal this morning I kept writing "WOW God."

I know, profound.

I must have written it 5 or 6 times but that's how I felt as

He was revealing these things to me.

I hadn't seen them before.

And now, here they are, plan as day.

So, I'm a continual work in progress.

Aren't we all really?

I'm excited to see what God has in store now that He has opened my eyes to this.

I have a lot of work to do, that's for sure,

but WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

Fired UP!

2011-01-25T08:44:00.001-05:00

Leading Surrendering the Secret groups is not easy.

And last night proved no different.

In week 2 the women share their abortion stories.

The leaders start out to get the group comfortable and then one by one the women will start to share.

I sat in my car and wept this morning.

I wept for the women in my group whose stories break
my heart and I wept for the children who are
not here because of their choice.

I also wept for the countless number of women who are
out there suffering silently from their past choice.

And then I get angry.

I get angry for the lies of the abortion industry.

I get angry for the words out of the mouths

of those working in the clinics.

The words that were said to those women who "chose"

yet were treated horrificly in the clinic.

And it fires me up to continue this fight and to continue being

a voice that says "abortion hurts."

I have been going back and forth on
whether or not to stop blogging.

Last night confirmed to me that I am to continue on.

To be a place of encouragement and healing
for women who are post-abortive.

To speak out for those women
who are not quite ready to do so.

And to be a voice for the voiceless.

I was asked last night if I was now pro-life or pro-choice.

My answer was pro-life.

I was then asked if I felt like a hypocrite
because of my abortion and my stand on life now.

My answer was no.

Who better to stand for life than one who has suffered
through what I have because of my abortion choice.

Who better to stand firm and say
"my abortion hurt me, it nearly destroyed me."

There are many women out there who need to hear from women who have been healed and made whole by God and
I will continue onthis journey with God because
this is where He wants me.

For how long, I honestly don't know, but what I do know is that

I don't want to miss a single thing that God has planned for me.

So even though leading these groups is hard,
I know this is where God wants me.

I know that this is where He called me to be a voice and

to lead others to the healing that only He can give.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

He is worth it...

2011-01-23T19:30:00.001-05:00

I've started another Surrendering the Secret group at church last week.

I have a new co-leader this time around who is just wonderful.

She has come through STS herself and has the passion to

see other women healed from their past abortions.

She asked me in one of our first meeting before the group if it was okay
if we still teared up or cried with the women during group.

I told her that I pray I never stop!

I never want to grow "numb" to the hurt and pain of abortion.

I never want to forget the pain of what abortion does because it spurs me on

to continue fighting this fight.

We had 5 women show up for group Monday night!

5 women who are ready to let God heal them from their past abortions.

There were many tears our first night and there will be many more to come.

But GOD.

He will carry them through.

He will take this from them and they in turn will be different.

They will be healed and made whole by the only ONE who can do it.

Praise Jesus.

I also started the Ruth Bible Study with 4 other women.

We are having so much fun.

I love women who are real.

Women who aren't afraid to be transparent and say what's really on their mind.

We've had so many laughs these past three weeks.

We've also had a lot of great God moments through our study.

What's funny is that 4 out of 5 of us are post-abortive.

How's that for a statistic?

It's pretty staggering if you ask me.

There are so many women walking around bound up by their past abortion.

I continually scan a room and think 1 out of 3 of these women have had an abortion.

It's quite sobering really.

I'm not sure where God is leading me in all of this.

I just know that I don't want to stop following Him EVER.

This ministry is tough.

It's harder than I ever imagined, but if my story helps one woman come forward for healing,

then it's all worth it.

HE is worth it.

Happy Birthday Tylor!!

2011-01-14T06:28:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TYLOR!

Today I am officially the mom of a teenager!

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around this!

This boy has brought so much love and laughter into our lives.

He is the kindest, gentlest soul..

Thank you Jesus for allowing me to be his mom...

Tylor and my dad when he was 1.

Snow boarding Dec. 2006 In New Hampshire

Meeting Emma for the first time 3/18/07

Best Big Brother

Costa Rica Spring Break 2010

God wants them...

2011-01-12T07:28:00.000-05:00

I feel as thought I don't have much to write about lately. My blog life has become pretty ho hum. In fact, I contemplate if I should even continue with this blog. There are days when I envision bringing a fresh face to my blog and re-doing every aspect of it and then there are the other days when I think why? Why do I blog?

For much of last year I blogged about my abortion healing journey. The journey that has led me to a place with God that I never would have dreamed possible. A place where post-abortion recovery is imbedded deep in my bones, where I have a fire that is burning deep within to see every woman set free from this burden. The myriad of negative feelings that consumed my life for over 18 years nearly destroyed me. The guilt and shame were so heavy upon me that I was slowly suffocating. There are many women walking around with those same feelings, carrying around there abortion, in the dark, secret places, crying silently on the inside while wearing a mask of "everything's fine" on the outside".

God wants them....He wants their heavy burden, He wants to take away their shame and guilt, He wants to set them free.

I have determined that I write on this blog to hopefully bring hope and awareness of post-abortion recovery. That God can use me to speak out for those who are still silent. To speak out not only for the women who share my secret, but also for the unborn who have no voice. The unborn who have no say on how their life will be inside their mother's womb. The unborn who are destroyed daily because of women like me who make a "choice". Life should not be a matter of choice.

Sanctity of Life is coming up (hopefully) in your churches the weekend of January 22nd. There are women sitting in your congregations who will be squirming in their seats with some of the messages that will be told. I pray that you will reach out to them, show them that God can heal them and take this burden from them.

If you would like more information on how to do so please contact me at jenniekitt@mac.com

Siesta Scripture Memory Team

2011-01-01T20:24:00.000-05:00

Beth Moore has started the 2nd round of Scripture Memory. It's a full year of memorizing scripture, 24 to be exact. The 1st and 15th of every month those who are participating post their verse. This year she had small spiral bound notebooks made to hold our verses in!

If you would like to join this group please

take a peek over here at her blog.

My first verse is out of Luke.

I received an email from one of my daily devotionals

and this verse just spoke to me.

"And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High;

for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him,

to give his people the knowledge of salvation

through the forgiveness of their sins,

because of the tender mercy of our God,

by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on

those living in darkness and in the shadow of death to guide

our feet into the path of peace"

Luke 1:76-79

Running

2010-12-29T18:53:00.000-05:00

I started running...

I have always dreamt about being a runner.

I look at runners with envy wishing that I could run with endurance as they do.

I downloaded a program on my iPhone called "Couch to 5K". It's a great program that eases you into running and will have you running a 5K in 9 weeks. I am starting week 5 today and do not feel anymore like a runner than I did when I started. I often wonder if people passing me by can see the pain that I am feeling all through my body as I run!

I'm questioning whether or not I am actually cut out to be a runner.

I am patiently waiting for that moment of euphoria that kicks in and I become hopelessly addicted to running. It hasn't happened yet and I am wondering if it ever will.

I have two friends who are avid runners, they both have marathons under their belts. How I envy them!!!

So I will perserve and finish this program! Whether it kills me or not...some days I actually feel like it will!

If you are a runner I would love to have some running tips!! And a good running shoe recommendation......

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-19T11:13:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!

I'm not sure if I will get on here this week so I wanted to wish you all

a very Merry Christmas.

I LOVE this time of year.

I love to have my home filled with family and friends.

And I love to sit and reflect back on the year to see all that God has done in my life.

It's simply amazing to see HIS hand in all of it.

The good and the not so good.

So I pray you all enjoy every moment.

Here are some pictures of the kids.

We were trying to snap a few shots for our Christmas cards.

Emma got a case of the giggles,

so we let them all have fun and just be silly.

Merry Christmas!

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger,

because there was no guest room available for them.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel,

praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest heaven,

and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

Luke 2:4-14

Truth Revealed

2010-12-14T08:21:00.001-05:00

I have a confession….

I’m married to an unbeliever….

Yep, that’s right….an amazing man who does not believe in Jesus or God for that matter.

It’s definitely not an easy road.

In fact, it is probably one of the hardest roads I walk daily.

How did this happen?

Well, when we got married I was an absolute MESS. M-E-S-S!!

I grew up Catholic so I have always believed in God. I have always believed that Jesus was God’s Son. I just was never told that I could have a personal relationship with Jesus.

I never knew such a thing existed.

A little over 8 years ago, my marriage was falling apart. In fact, Will had just said to me that he was going to move out because I was so unhappy.

In that instant I knew that this was NOT what I wanted. There had to something better than this. For months a girlfriend had been telling me to join Bible Study. She told me it would change my life. I finally listened to her when Will uttered those words.

I joined BSF in the fall of 2002. I met and fell in love with Jesus through the book of John. I surrendered my life to Him and have never looked back.

That was a little over 8 years ago.

For the entire 8 years I have prayed for my husband to accept Christ.

I have had everyone I know praying for him.

But alas, there is still no belief.

It breaks my heart.

I don’t want to go to heaven and not have my husband there.

But the reality is that just may happen.

I pray it doesn’t. I pray that God continually softens his heart and that one day he will accept Jesus.

This does NOT make my husband a bad person.

In fact, my husband is one of the most amazing people I know.

He is an awesome dad and husband.

He supports me 150% with all of my dreams and goals.

He knows how much I love Jesus and never questions that love.

He sees me having my quiet time every morning to meet with God and what that does for me.

He knows when I have something going on that God has asked me to do and never questions that. In fact he always says, “Let me guess, God told you to do that”

He supports the ministry of my heart- Post-abortion healing.

And he loves me unconditionally….

I have a feeling there are many women out there who are in my same position.

Married to a man who doesn’t believe in Jesus.

Sitting in church week after week by yourself…tired of sitting alone.

Longing that you too could have a husband who would join a small group with you, attend church with you, serve with you….

I know. I feel those things too.

There are days when I don’t want to pray for my husband.

Days when I am tired of being the “spiritual leader” of my household.

Tired of looking at all the other couples in church, attending, serving, and just “doing” church together.

I often gaze at couples sitting in front of me at church, the husbands arm around the wife’s shoulders, holding their Bibles, and drinking in the Word together.

And I ask God, “why, not me? Why can’t I have that?”

For now, that is something that I cannot have.

Even though I long for it.

But I am every hopeful, that God will give me the desires of my heart.

One day my husband would turn his life over to Christ, and we can do this thing together!

I would be so very honored to pray for your husband. Please leave me a comment with his name and we can walk this thing out together!

“For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife” 1 Corinthians 7:14

Broken, Shattered, Hidden

2010-12-03T08:51:00.000-05:00

I recently finished reading Anne Jackson's book "Permission to Speak Freely" and I have to say it is a MUST READ. Anne is fearless and I so appreciate that. Throughout her book she speaks of her struggles and does NOT hide the fact that she indeed still DOES struggle.

There isn't an ounce of pretense, just raw truth.

Anne speaks of brokenness. This topic has been rolling around in my head for the last few days. I've come to realize how many broken people are walking around in our world and yet we never know it because of the masks they are wearing. Masks that scream "everything's fine", masks that hide and lie what is truly going on behind the scenes.
We create facades because we are afraid of what people will think of us if we let them see our brokenness.

One of the things that stuck out to me was what Anne calls "permission to go second". When we share are own brokenness with others, when we stop hiding the truth behind masks, when we get down to being "real", and open up ourselves to others, it gives them the permission to "go second". This enables them to let down their own walls and cry out all the silent cries they have been holding in for who knows how long.

I loved this.

This is why I share my abortion story. I want other women to "go second". I want them to know that they are not alone and their is hope and healing after that choice. It doesn't have to hold them captive any longer. They have permission to speak up and speak out about the destruction abortion has caused them and move toward forgiveness and healing from the only one who can give it. Jesus.

What I found most disturbing in this book was that hundreds of people wrote to Anne stating that they did NOT feel like church was a place they could be real and show their struggles.

Isn't that awful?

It broke my heart.

We have to stop worrying about what others think of us, even in the church.

Church SHOULD be the one place where we can speak freely, yet to many it is not.

I know it wasn't for me.

I was terrified to tell anyone I had had an abortion.

Thankfully, God had put some amazing Christian women in my life who I shared my secret with and who prayed me through my healing journey.

Now, I don't really care who knows. Not because I don't think what I did was wrong, because believe me, it was SO wrong. But, because I am healed and whole and I want to give other women and men the "permission to go second".
I don't want others to be so bound up in fear that they never reach out for the help that they need.

Whatever it may be.

We are all broken....but God will use our stories to reach into the lives of others.

Are you doing that?

Are you being real?

Are others hearing about your brokenness and stepping forward to receive their healing?

I pray you are.

I pray you are not afraid and hiding from the world.

The world needs to hear, especially from believers, that we are not perfect, we struggle, we worry, we fear, we hide, we sin, because we are imperfect.

The world also needs to hear that their is only ONE who can help us, one who can save us, one who loves us enough to meet us in our darkest depths...

I would love to hear if you are allowing God to use your story!

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed"
James 5:16

Thankful

2010-11-27T12:26:00.000-05:00

I feel so disconnected from blogging. I haven't been consistent in my posting or my reading of others blogs and I am missing it. I'm in this season of being busy with my life and by the time I even THINK about posting something on my blog, I am exhausted. Literally.

I have had the last few days off and my house has been full of family,
something that I truly love.

I have so much to be thankful for this year. Listing all of them isn't possible. I have watched God do some pretty amazing things this year. I have watched him open doors that I didn't think possible and close others that at the time I didn't want closed. Although now I see how and why he closed them.

He has a plan, as much as I try to fight it at times. Although I question his plan at times I do realize that God's plans are always better than any of my own.

So I pray you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and took a moment to thank God

for all He has done this year..

and all that He is going to continue to do in each and every one of your lives.

Be Blessed, sweet sisters....

The Power of a Testimony

2010-11-08T09:52:00.000-05:00

I wrote a post over at the Surrendering the Secret blog about the power of a testimony.

Did you know that your testimony is powerful?

Did you know that God wants to use it?

We all have a different story...

A story that God will use if we give him full access to it.

It took me a long time to give all of myself to God.

I was afraid of what other's would think of me if they knew the truth about my life.

I worried about people judging me, talking about me behind my back, and all the other insecurities that go along with being vulnerable.

But I realized God is so much bigger than that.

What the enemy means for harm, God will use for good.

Isn't that just like God to take the ugliest part of us,

and turn it into something that only He can use.

Ashes to Beauty.....

So please visit me over at the Surrendering the Secret blog.....

I would be honored if you did.

Emma

2010-11-03T09:06:00.000-04:00

Emma turned five on October 24.... 5?! I can't believe it...Where does the time go? She is an amazing little girl who brings so much joy to us. From the moment I saw her picture come through email, telling me that this was my daughter, I was overwhelmed... Simply overwhelmed... That God would bring us together from so far away is nothing short of a miracle... Two worlds definitely collided....ONLY GOD. So I thought I would share some pictures of our girl...

Being silly...

Her BFF who is also named Emma

Bed Time

Halloween with her friend Lizzy

The Other Side of the Fence

2010-10-22T17:01:00.001-04:00

Not long ago, I stood on the side of the fence where I though "choice" was vital in the abortion debate. I believed women had a right to chose and no one had any right to tell them differently. Who's business was it anyway? We all lead our own lives and we can do with them what we will...even if that choice meant taking the life of an innocent child...

Choice......

The other morning, our ministry team participated in the 40 Days for Life. We stood outside one of our local abortion clinics here in Tampa and prayed for an hour.

I had such a hard time being there. I literally wanted to break down and cry countless times. I had driven a friend to this very clinic, many years ago, so not only did I abort my own daughter, I helped a friend abort her child too. What kind of friend was I? Not a very good one.

So I wrestled while I was there. I prayed and I wrested because I have been there. I have walked through those doors thinking I was doing the right thing, that I was making the right choice. But I was so very wrong. And my heart broke into a million little pieces watching women walk into that clinic thinking they were making the right choice.

If they only knew the truth. If they only knew that their life would NEVER be the same.
That their choice was a child....not a choice at all.

Our being at the clinic was non-confrontational. We were not allowed to approach anyone or say anything to anyone at the clinic. We just prayed.

And I thanked God for bringing me to the other side of the fence. For making me see the truth, for healing me from my past, and for loving me despite all of my wrongs....

Forgiveness and Healing

2010-10-09T09:04:00.000-04:00

Hello my bloggy friends!! I have truly missed you! I have not had a moment to sit back and catch up on your lives and I am planning to do so this morning! I'm excited to see all that God is doing in each one of your lives. He's always up to something, isn't He?

I stumbled across this picture a few months ago and it resonates with something inside of me. Every time I see it I picture myself in that woman's place. Broken, dirty, insecure, unsure and yet there is Jesus standing before me because He deems me worthy. HE deems all of us worthy.

Our King, reaches down into our lives because He loves us that much. He wants us healed from whatever it is that binds us. Mine was abortion, and there are so many others who have walked that painful road, He wants to heal you. For some it may be abuse, neglect, abandonment, and numerous other things. Lay it at the cross. YOU are worthy! He will take it from you, He will heal you if you let Him. The hardest part is letting Him.

"But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir," She said.

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." John 8:1-11

We can fill in this scripture with whatever it is that has bound us. Hers just happened to be adultery. But Jesus does not want to condemn us, He wants to heal us. Heal us and then use us to help others who are hurting and bound.

Lay it down ladies..... The time is now...

I love you all!!

YES to GOD Study Week 8

2010-09-12T11:26:00.000-04:00

Hi Ladies!!!

I have just spent an amazing 4 days at the CareNet conference in Dallas, TX

with men and women who are fighting for life daily.

I heard story after story of women and men who have been hurt by abortion.

They go into that clinic one person and come out of it forever changed.

We are not the only ones.

Actually, there are far too many of us in my opinion.

Too many of us that believed the lie,

too many of us who believed that life would go back to normal as soon as it was over.

However, we know that this is just not true.

We know that abortion hurts and the wound is deep.

Deeper than we ever imagined.

Oh, but there is ONE who can heal our wounds.

Only ONE who will meet us in that dark place and

shine HIS light upon it.

HE will take it from us and carry it for us.

He will repair, redeem and restore us.

Only Jesus.

He is the only ONE who wants it.

He is the only one willing to come down that far

and take it from us.

ONLY JESUS.

This journey has not been easy ladies.

I know.

But, we have come to the end of it

and it's time to do something with it.

It's time to

Share the Journey

Surrendering the Secret

Week 8

Share the Journey

God does not want us to be silent anymore.

He wants us to use our voices so that other men and women

do not have to endure what we have.

He wants us to fight for life and fight as hard as we can.

He wants us to embrace other post-abortive men and women

so that they can receive the healing that we have.

In order for the captives to be set free

we have to use our voices.

We can not be afraid anymore.

God wants to use each one of you!

Perhaps it's starting your own STS group or volunteering at a PRC in your community.

I don't know what it will be for each one of you

but I know that God will call you to something.

I encourage you to not remain silent anymore.

I encourage you to plug in and and perhaps now find a group and

walk through STS with a group in your area.

You can find groups on the STS website

www.surrenderingthesecret.com

and then select leader locator.

From there you can click on your state and find leaders in your area.

We also have amazing National Trainers around the nation who

are here to help you!

Plug In Ladies!!

I am so proud of you!!!

I Love you all!!

"For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Yes to GOD study week 7 The Peace of Release

2010-08-31T20:35:00.000-04:00

Hi Ladies!! I apologize for being away so long! I have no good excuse except that life kicked into overdrive last week and I honestly didn't have a minute to blog. The kids started school, I started another semester in graduate school and am weaning out of one job into another. So needless to say I've been a little stretched.

I have prayed for each one of you daily.

I know that God has been doing a tremendous work in your life through this study!

I am so proud of you for coming this far.

So let's get to it.

Yes to GOD study

Surrendering the Secret

Week 7

The Peace of Release

This week brings us to a moment that we have thought about many, many times.

A moment where we have longed to be for many years.

This week we recognize our children and gain the closure we need.

This is a very special week and I pray you will take the time to complete it.

If you have a friend walking this journey with you please reach out to

them this week and have them with you during this session.

During this session each woman would have a chance to hold their child.

They will be given the opportunity to read their letter to their child or children

and say whatever it is that is on their heart.

In group we would have a baby doll swaddled in a soft blanket.

Each woman would take turns holding the baby.

If God has given you the name of your child or children tell your friend or

prayer partner so that your child can be called by his or her name.

Think about these questions:

My baby's name is (or babies)....

One thing I never got to say to my baby/babies was...

I wish we had been able to...

I miss you most when....

When we are together in heaven we will.....

This is your time.

Your time to say all the things you have stored up in your heart.

It's also your time to say good-bye to your child or children.

He or she is with Jesus.

I encourage you to participate in this exercise.

Find a trusted friend to walk you through it.

Also, buy a balloon or balloons one for each of your children and take a moment to

pray for your child and this journey and then release the balloon into the air.

In my group we each bought a pair of baby shoes that we thought resembled something our child or children would wear. We wrote a note to our child on a small piece of paper, tied it to the shoes with ribbon and then put them in a basket at our local crisis pregnancy center.

I encourage you to do the same.

"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father's home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know the way to where I am going. "No, we don't know Lord," Thomas said. "We have no idea where you are going, so how can we know the way?" Jesue told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me" John 14:1-6

You DID IT ladies!!!

I am so proud of you!

I will see you next week to finish our study!!

I adore you!! I truly do!

YES to GOD Study week 6

2010-08-17T23:04:00.000-04:00

YES to God Study

Week 6

Surrendering the Secret

From Grief to the Great Exchage

Week 6!! Can you believe it ladies?

I am so proud of you!!

We are almost there.

Almost at the end of this journey

but at the beginning of a very new life with GOD!

Isn't He something else?

How are you all doing?

How have you been managing these weeks?

I pray for you every morning.

I know God is doing an amazing work in each and every one of you!

This week is one of my favorites.

It's powerful.

It's transforming.

It's beautiful.

"Don't be afraid, for I have ransomed you.

I have called you by name; you are mine.

When you go through deep waters,

I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty,

you will not drown.

When you walk through the fires of oppression,

you will not be burned up;

the flames will not consume you.

For I am the LORD, your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior"

Isaiah 43:1-3

Do you believe that?

Do you believe that you are His?

Do you believe that He is with you?

That you are worthy?

You should.

HIS word tells you so.

This week is the week when we exchange our grief for the redemptive love of Jesus.
Where we come and lay down our abortions, at the foot of the cross.
Literally.

Please take a moment and listen to this song.
Find a quiet place to just sit and listen.
And when you are through please spend some time with God.
Let go of all of the grief, anger, fear, hurt and the myriad
of other feelings you have been dealing with and give them to God.
It's time to trade your ashes for beauty.

He's the only one who will do it.
The only one who wants too.

Lay every burden down ladies.
He can handle it.
He wants every part of you.
Yes, even this part.
He truly does.
He is that GOOD!

I love you all so much.
I am here if you need me.
So is Lelia.....
Keep going ladies.

You are so close......

If I were with you right now, I would pray this scripture over you.
I would insert your name and pray this out loud.
I pray you will do this for yourself
or ask your prayer partner to do it for you.
It's so powerful.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on (insert name),
       because the LORD has anointed (insert name)
       to preach good news to the poor.
       He has sent (insert name) to bind up the brokenhearted,
       to proclaim freedom for the captives
       and release from darkness for the prisoners,
  to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
       and the day of vengeance of our God,
       to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
       to bestow on (insert name) a crown of beauty
       instead of ashes,
       the oil of gladness
       instead of mourning,
       and a garment of praise
       instead of a spirit of despair.
       (insert name) will be called oaks of righteousness,
       a planting of the LORD
       for the display of his splendor

Instead of their shame
   (insert name) will receive a double portion,
       and instead of disgrace
   (insert name) will rejoice in their inheritance;
       and so (insert name)will inherit
a double portion in their land,
       and everlasting joy will be theirs"

Isaiah 61:1-3, 7

Divine Appointments

2010-08-11T22:44:00.000-04:00

God never ceases to amaze me.

As I walked into Publix this evening, feeling completely depleted and sorry for myself, ever have one of those days, weeks, years, when you feel like you could cry at the drop of a hat? Well that is where I was tonight. Not for any specific reason, for a myriad of personal reasons and when I got home from work I came home to, well let's just say, more to be overwhelmed about.

Okay, back to my point.

Ms. Emma wanted a cookie from the bakery so we walked up to the counter and a sweet woman handed her a cookie. As she handed her the cookie she asked me about my shirt.

I was still in my work uniform, which has the logo "Surrendering the Secret" on it.

She asked what Surrendering the Secret was,

so I explained that it was a post-abortion healing ministy and all it entails.

She asked if I had ever heard of Sunrise in Pasco County and I said that I had not.

She told me it was a shelter for battered women.

A shelter where she had gone to seek refuge.

We spoke for a few more moments and then said good-bye.

Emma and I headed over to the deli and while we were waiting for our number to be called the woman walked up to me again and said, "I've had one, and they never counseled me, they told me...." and I finished her words, "that it would be over in 10 minutes and your life would go right back to normal", and she looked at me and said "yes". I told her I fell for the lie too and that I was never the same after that. I lost a part of myself that day. She said she did too.

She then went on to tell me that Sunrise of Pasco County got her on to her feet and got her the job at Publix. She said that she gets nervous sometimes because she feels as if people can look at her and see her past. I looked at her and said, "You are a testimony to what God can do, to what He did through you, you are standing here right now in victory, away from abuse and moving forward with your life. God will use your past to help others"

I invited her to the next Surrendering the Secret group

I will begin leading in September.

She wants to come.

I gave her my number and we both left in tears.

And it made me realize two things: I am stressed over the little things in my life that I have no business being stressed over. God is in control and I am not.

As long as I keep my eyes on Him I cannot go wrong.

The second thing I realized is: How many? How many women are suffering silently from thier past abortions? How many women are afraid to say, "I had an abortion and I am hurting from it"

How many women choose abortion becasue they panic and then

later realize they have made a HUGE mistake?

How many?

Unfortunately, there are too many to count.

1 in 3 women of childbearing age have had an abortion.

They are sitting in your church, they are your mothers, sisters, friends, colleagues

and yes, even the woman in the bakery at Publix.

What will it take to help them break their silence?

What will it take to reach out to them?

So, I tell my story.....because that is what God asks of me.

My past, my pain, my shame, used to reach out to women who have been where I have been.

Because I know what's it's like to live in the secrecy and the silence.

It's really not living at all.

Because I really didn't start living until I let Jesus have every part of me.

Even the ugliest part.

He took it, redeemed it, and made me whole.

And I thank Him every day for that.

Please contact me if you need prayer or just need to let go of our secret.

I would be honored to pray for you and walk this road with you.

jenniekitt@mac.com

YES to GOD study- Week 5

2010-08-10T17:59:00.000-04:00

YES to God Study

Surrendering the Secret

Week 5

Forgiveness

Hello Ladies!

I am so proud of you for getting here.

I know last week was tough.

It's not easy to dig down and admit your angry over your abortion.

But we do have a right to that anger.

And most importantly, we have to release it.

So here we are at week 5!

We are almost there!

I wish I could see your faces.

I know how beautiful you all look right now, how different you look from the beginning of this study.

Our God is changing you.

He is taking this burden upon himself.

Keep going ladies!!!

You can do this!!

In the beginning of chapter 5 we read,

"Holding on to anger and refusing to forgive are like

drinking poison while waiting for someone else to die from the effects"

It took me awhile to figure this out.

My anger and unforgiveness really weren't impacting anyone but me.

And if you look over the course of my life, it was true.

I was only hurting myself.

It's time to release the anger and begin to forgive those who you hold accountable.

"For by grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it si God's gift-not from works so that no one can boast" Ephesians 2:8-9

What stood out to you this week?

Were you able to begin to let the anger go and start the process of forgiving?

This week, if we were in group, you would come into the room and find a large glass bowl filled with water.

There would be handkerchiefs and washable markers on the table as well.

After going through our chapter, we would have a time of prayer and you would be encouraged to write all the feelings you are feeling on that handkerchief.

Mine read something like this, 'guilt, hurt, anger, lies, grief, sorrow, pain, the names of those involved, and whatever else the Holy Spirit is promting you to write'

Please take a moment and do this.

Put on some soft music, where you can just enter into God's presence.

Release these feelings.

Write them out to God.

And then, place your handerchief in the bowl of water.

And watch as it comes out "as white as snow"

This is what God does for us ladies.

He makes us a new creation in Him, He makes us "white as snow"

I love you all so much.

I truly do.

Please email me jenniekitt@mac.com or Lelia chealey5@yahoo.com

and visit Lelia's site, Write from the heart, for her take on this weeks study.

Between Sisters

2010-08-05T08:08:00.000-04:00

Will and I were driving to dinner Tuesday night for our anniversary.

On a side note, my hubbs scored BIG points this year! He had flowers delivered to work, made arrangements for the kids to sleep over at our friends house, and then took me to a beautiful dinner. Like I said, BIG POINTS!

But this isn't what I am here to write about.

As we were driving to dinner, a woman stood on a very busy intersection of our town with a sign that read "Mother of 4, just laid off, please help". It seems that in our town the people holding these signs are becoming more of the "norm", for lack of a better word. I have noticed more and more individuals, holding signs, asking for help in the last year. The state of our economy has not been good to many people, us included, however for some, they have lost everything. Literally everything. And I wonder what it takes to make that sign, stand in front of all those people and ask, literally beg, for help. It has to be a very humbling experience. And I have to wonder "do they trust God in all of this".

I realize that there are some that have done this for a very long time and it has become there source of life. We get use to their faces and their corners and are really never surprised to see them there. But I have seen so many unfamiliar faces lately. And this one woman's face I can NOT get out of my head.

When I first spotted her my intital reaction was to not make eye contact and ignore that she was there. But my husband is even a bigger bleeding heart than I am so he rolled down the window and asked her to come over. As she came over I noticed the pain and hope in her eyes. Pain for all she was going through but hope because someone had rolled down their window and took note of her.

Will rummaged through his wallet and told her I don't know what I have but here, take all of this. It was a $5 and 5 $1's. Immediately she started to weep and say over and over again "thank you". I can't explain the pitch of her voice or the look on her face but with tears streaming down my face we said "your welcome". She walked away from us, back on to the median of the intersection, looked at what we had given her, turned around weeping and just kept mouthing "thank you, thank you".

I cannot get this woman out of my head. I have been praying for her every morning and every night since. I have a vision of seeing her again and praying with her on that corner, letting her know that God is with her, even here.

I haven't seen her again.

I drive by that intersection twice a day. Once on my way to work and once on the way home. I am looking for her, hoping that I will see her again. I can't exactly explain why but she did something to my heart and it hasen't been the same from that encounter.

I wonder how many people we walk by, never looking them in the eye, ignoring them to just continue on with our own lives? And I wonder how many people we are surrounded by daily who are depleted, emotionally, spiritually, and physically?

We are God's hands and feet but what are we REALLY doing for Him? Have we made it all about us? God isn't all about us, He's about using us to reach others. He's about working through us to reach the hearts of others.

Are you reaching out?
Are you doing all you can do?
Is there more you could do?

"When the Lord sady her, his heart went out to her and he said, 'Don't cry'" (Luke 7:13)

"What once seemed a curse has become a blessing. All the agony that threatened to destroy my life now seems like the fertile ground for greater trust, stronger hope, and deeper love" -Henri J.M. Nouwin

YES to God Study Week 4

2010-08-03T15:42:00.000-04:00

YES to GOD study

Week 4

A Time for Anger

Tearing Down Roadblocks

Hello Ladies! I am so proud of you for continuing this journey!

This week we are in week 4, which means we are halfway through!

Can you believe it?

I am so honored to be walking this road with you

and humbled that GOD allows me to do so.

Keep pressing forward ladies!

I know you can do this.

The beginning of week 4 discusses the different kinds of masks we wear to hide our pain.

Now, if we were in group together sitting around a table, I would have different magazines, scissors, glue, and we would take some time making our own masks.

However, since we are not in the same room (how I wish we were) I would like for you to really think about what kind of masks you have worn over the years.

I know mine had many different facets.

I looked so put together on the outside.

I acted as if I were happy.

I hid myself from everyone and no one really knew me.

I drank on a regular basis to numb the pain and

gain "liquid courage" and I even dabbled with

different drugs so I could "be someone different"

The masks were plentiful and I wore them for a very long time.

This week we are going to "take off our masks"!

Finally!

We are going to allow ourselves to be angry and feel all the emotions we have kept deep down inside.

This is the week we were asked to write our angry letters.

This is the week I broke.

I still had a tremendous wall up.

I wasn't letting down my guard.

I put off my angry letter to the very last minute

and threw something together before group.

God knew.

When it became my turn to read my letter outloud

I literally broke in two.

The emotions that came out of me, the emotions that I never let out, came out this night.

I wept and I wept as I continued to read my letter.

I had a right to be angry at all those involved.

The industry, the boy, myself, my parents, the doctor, and the nurse.

I was so angry.

I was finally able to release the emotions that I had inside of me for 18 years

in a healthy manner and it felt so good.

I was finally releasing it all.

This night was pivotal for me.

This was one of those life changing nights.

I never wanted to admit that I felt all of these things but I wonderful women

around me who had been there and they got it.

Afterward we all went outside, stood in a circle, and prayed.

Then each one of us, one by one, lit our letters on fire and placed them in a bucket.

We watched our letters burn together and released ourselves of all the emotions we had felt.

God was there ladies.

He wants us to release our anger, our emotions.

So please write your letters.
Read them to a trusted friend or email them to one of us.
Then I want you to burn them!!
Yes, burn them and release it all to GOD!!

I love you ladies so much.
Keep moving forward.
We are almost there.

"We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers. We

continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your
labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope
in our Lord JesusChrist"

1 Thessalonians 1:1-3

Yes to God Study Week 3

2010-07-28T09:13:00.000-04:00

Sorry I am late with this post ladies. I am actually on vacation and didnt' have a minute yesterday to post.

I want to encourage you this morning. I have been praying for each and every one of you participating in this study. God wants you here, the enemy doesn't. Plain and simple. You are probably feeling like you want to run. Like you want to get out of here as fast as you possbily can but that is not God's plan for you. He wants you here, going back so that He can move you forward. This, of course, is not without difficulty. In order to move forward we have to go back to one of the darkest places we have ever been. But, God is with you. He is right there beside you walking with you, sometimes even carrying you. Don't give up ladies!!! Keep moving forward. I love each and every one of you. I have been where you are. I wanted to give up. I didn't want to go back and feel all the things I had stuffed down inside for 18 years but God will heal those places. He will bring you through and you will be forever changed because of it! Changed for the better, FREE from the chains that have bound you for so long. Keep going......

Yes to God Study

Surrendering the Secret

Week 3

A Walk in Truth

Well, here we are in week 3 "A Walk in Truth". This week was difficult for me. I didn't want to learn the truth about abortion. I didn't want to look at what I had done to my daughter sqaure in the eye. I didn't want to look at who I was back then and all the poor decisions that led up to my abortion. And I didn't want to learn that the abortion industry was a "money making machine based on the lie of a woman's choice". But there it was, right in front of me. The truth about the choice I had made. Boy, did it make me angry. I fell for it. I fell for the "blob of tissue, it's not a child yet", the "your life will go right back to normal in 10 minutes", the "you'll be fine, it will be over and you'll never think about it again" and so many other lies the enemy uses to get a woman to "choose".

So here we are ladies, looking at the truth of our choice. This is not an easy week. In fact, it's a very difficult one. But it is a necessary one.

Here are some websites for you to look at. They may be a repeat of what is in your book. But I am going to share the links with you here as well.

CareNet
Surrendering the Secret
Healing Hearts Renewing Minds
The Elliot Institute

Ladies, I encourage you to please contact me or Lelia if you need to talk or friends who know you are going through this study. We are here to help you through this journey. jenniekitt@mac.com

Most importantly go to God. He is there, right beside you with His arms wide open. He loves you so much.

“ And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint” Galatians 6:9

Yes to God Study Week 2

2010-07-19T20:46:00.005-04:00

Summer YES to GOD study of Pat Layton 's book

Surrendering the Secret.

I'm so glad you made it back this week!

I'm really proud of you for continuing this climb with us.

It's not an easy climb but remember we are in this together and

the view from the top is nothing short of spectacular!

So keep pressing on......

Even when you want to fling your book across the room.

Pick it back up and continue this journey.

God has brought you to this place.

He wants all the best for you.

He wants you to know Him more and know the freedom that only He can give.

Week 2:

Sharing the Secret

A Spring in the Desert

I remember this week all to clearly.

I didn't want to tell my story.

I didn't want the others in my group to know the whole thing.

I didn't want to have to speak in out loud.

And I certainly didn't want to hear myself tell it.

But God in his infinite wisdom got me through it.

I remember sharing my abortion story and looking into the

tear filled eyes of 7 other women.

The tears of those women meant the world to me.

These women had walked the road I had.

Well, maybe not exactly the same road but we all ended up in the same place.

An abortion clinic.

For the first time in my life I had women who understood the secret, the shame, the guilt, and the pain that I had carried with me for 18 years.

It truly was the biggest step to freedom I had taken so far.

So I am sharing with you my story.

Some of you may have read it before.

I'm taking it from an earlier post of mine.

My LifeSong begins with a girl who had an abortion

the day after her 17th birthday.

A girl who then self destructed for way too many years after that.

A girl who tried to hide her pain with whatever she could use to numb it.

A girl who found herself, at 23, pregnant again.

A girl who had another decision to make.

A girl who chose life because she knew another abortion would kill her.

This is the boy who will one day know that I chose life

but could have chosen death.

This is the boy who reminds me every day that life is LIFE

from the moment of conception.

How could anyone ever look at him and say something different?

This is the boy who brought me to seek healing for my past.

This is the boy who I could have missed out on.

A girl who got married under the shakiest of circumstances.

A girl who was pregnant again 9 months after giving birth to her son.

A girl whose marriage was falling apart.

This is the boy who would not have been

had I made a different decision for his big brother.

This is the boy who cemented our family together.

A girl, whose daughter was born to another woman a world away,

who God knew would become a part of our family.

A girl who was found at the bottom of a very dark pit by the one and only who could save her.

A girl whose marriage was saved because of Jesus' transformation in her life.

A girl whose family remained in tact because of Jesus

A girl who was healed from her past-abortion, by the only one who can truly heal.

A girl who walks with post-abortive women so

they can know the healing that only Jesus can give.

A girl who now stands for life.

A girl who walks with brave women who chose life and an adoption plan.

A girl who loves Jesus more than words can ever say.

A girl who Jesus is using, despite all of her wrongs.

A girl who is following Jesus with everything she has

because she knows what it is like to live without him.

A girl whose LifeSong is beautiful to God.

A girl whose LifeSong is being used to help others.

It's time to let go ladies.

It's time to release your story from the darkest depths.

Both Lelia and I are here for you.

Don't hesitate to contact either one of us.

jenniekitt@mac.com

chealey5@yahoo.com

Don't forget to visit Lelia here to see what she has to say about week 2.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" Psalm 34:18

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" Psalm 147:3

YES, to GOD STUDY Week 1

2010-07-13T20:55:00.002-04:00

Hi Ladies!! I'm so glad you are joining us on this journey. I know that this is not an easy road but when you come to the end of this study you will be changed. When I lead these studies at church the women walk in that first night looking like a deer in headlights. They are looking for the door wondering how fast they can get out of there! I was much the same. I didn't want to be there. I thought that I didn't need this study. I figured that I was healed and that I would just go through the motions because I wanted to volunteer at the CPC. I was so wrong. I needed this study desperately.

Through leading these groups I have seen first hand the change that occurs through the healing hand of God. The women's faces become changed, lighter if you will. The burden of abortion slowly falls off our shoulders and we walk with a lighter step. It truly is a miracle.

I pulled out my member book to look at the answers I had written a year and a half ago. On page 14 of your book question 2 asks: According to Ezekiel 34:12, 15-16 how does God deal with us when we get lost in the fog or darkness of life? How does God's promise apply to our life issues, wounds, addictions and spiritual struggles?

My answer was: He will search for us and bring us back. He will be with me through all of my issues. His love for me will never fail.

I'm not sure if I truly believed that at the time. But as I was reading it tonight I realized just how true it is.

God will and does search for us to bring us back to him. He is always with us and His love NEVER fails.

I realize that this may not be the exact place that you want to be right now, but God wants you here. He wants to heal you. He wants to reach down into your darkest places and shine His light. He's the only one who can do it ladies. He's the only one who cares too.

On page 19 of your book it asks you what your greatest need is at this time? Please share that with Lelia and I so that we can be praying over that for you. We are here for you. Praying for you, climbing this mountain with you. You are NOT alone.

We love you all so much and are so honored that you are joining us .

Please visit Lelia's blog for her post on week 1!

Don't give up, I know you can do this!!!

No Other

2010-07-10T19:06:00.004-04:00

Lelia and I have started our first week of the Yes to God study. We are not sure how things are going to go but we are believing God! There are so many post-abortive women out there and we know if our testimonies help just ONE, then it is worth it.

I've posted over at Surrendering the Secret and would love for you to take a visit and respond if you feel led too!

God wants us free ladies. Not just women who are post-abortive, all of us women from whatever it is that holds us down. I don't know all of your stories. I don't know the road you have traveled. And I certainly haven't walked in your shoes.

What I do know is that God loves each and every one us. Not one of us more, not one of us better. He wants us to surrender to Him and lay down our burdens, whatever they may be. He's the only one who wants them, the only one who can handle them.

"Come to me ALL you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" Matthew 11:28

I think many times we think, "my burden is to big" or "He'll forgive everything but this" and a myriad of other lies we tell ourselves.

Jesus went to the cross for ALL of us. Every single one of us, not some of us.

He came to give us life and life to the full.

There is no other who does such a thing.

Yes, to God Study Week 1

2010-07-06T07:53:00.003-04:00

Yes, to God Study Week 1

Surrendering The Secret

Session 1

Hi ladies! So, we are about to embark on a journey together.

A journey that some of you are hesitant to take.

I want to encourage you to not give up!

The freedom that comes from this study is nothing short of miraculous.

It's not always easy to go back to those dark places.

The places that we have hidden for far to long.

But, go back we must.

We must go back in order to move forward.

God is with you every step of the way.

He wants you whole and complete.

Please join us over at

Write from the Heart

to get started.

This means WAR!!!

2010-06-29T13:26:00.007-04:00

Ever felt like that?

Like, your in a constant battle?

This is how I have been feeling over the last couple of weeks.

It has been a wild ride and I have felt a range of emotions.

I have felt secure & insecure, fulfilled & unfulfilled, scared & afraid, happy & sad, lost & found,

you get the picture......

It's been a roller coaster of a ride.

I have accepted a new position at work.

I am starting a YES, to God study with Lelia and we are going to be walking through Surrendering the Secret with a few sweet sisters

who are ready to heal from their past abortions.

My hubbs and I have been less than loving toward one another (to put it nicely)

and various other things that are going on in my life which are truly too much to write here.

So the other morning in my quiet time, I realized that the

enemy has been at work in regards to my life

and he has been working pretty hard.

When it finally was revealed to me I thought to myself,

"He's messing with the wrong girl!"

I've had enough!!!

Truly, I have had enough.

So, loaded with Scripture I have been battling with the enemy

and ever so slowly he is starting to retreat.

It, of course, is not a fair fight.

He hits where I am most weak,

but it's a fight none the less,

and one I am not willing to lose.

Sometimes we just have to fight back, girls!

We have to arm ourselves with the armor of God and push through.

Even when we feel like throwing our hands up in the air and screaming,

"I give up!"

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

Put on the full armor of God so that you can

take your stand against the devil's schemes.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers,

against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full of armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, wit the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints"

Ephesians 6:10-18.

Out of the Darkness

2010-06-16T07:49:00.010-04:00

She stood-surrounded by darkness.

So dark, she could not see her hand in front of her face.

So dark, so cold, so alone.

How did she get here?

When did the darkness consume her?

How will she ever find her way out?

Dare she try?

Does anyone even know she's down here?

Do they realize the depth of her darkness?

The facade is so heavy.

She cannot carry it anymore.

The masks she has worn have made her lose herself.

Where does she go from here?

Is there anyone who would dare come down this far?

What would happen if they knew?

If they knew she chose death over life.

Would they condemn her?

Would they turn her away?

How does she find her way out?

Could she really release this pain?

Could she really let it go?

This secret has suffocated her.

It has swallowed her whole.

She has buried it so deep inside.

Yet, it is always on the surface.

The truth of her choice.

The pain of that choice.

But it was her choice after all.

A choice she made.

A choice she thought would make everything stay the same.

She was never the same.

She knew it the minute she was in that room.

She would never be the same.

Oh, but they would never know that.

She would hide her pain behind that painted smile.

She would hide it so well, she almost convinced herself she was fine.

Almost.

But deep down the darkness began to envelop her.

It began to swallow every piece of her.

Though, she would never show them.

They would never understand.

The sin is to great.

But alas, there is ONE.

One who took all the sins of this world onto himself.

One that came to set the captives free-

Even the captives who chose abortion.

Yes, even those.

He brings light into their darkness.

He heals the wounds that have remained opened.

He binds up the brokenhearted.

And makes a way for all-

Even those who chose abortion.

Abortion is not an exclusive sin.

It does not stand on it's own.

It is a sin, but not a sin above all others.

Even when women chose.

Jesus came to save everyone.

Even the women who have chosen the road of abortion.

Jesus came to take away the sins of the world.

He died on the cross for all of us.

Those who have aborted included.

Abortion seems to be such a dirty word.

A word that is "whispered" and kept secret.

It's time for this word to stop annihilating women.

It's time for THE WORD to set them free.

Ladies- it's time to come out of the darkness and into HIS light.

"But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.

At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts,

where all the people gathered around him,

and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the

Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery.

They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus,

"Teacher this woman was caught in the act of adultery.

In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such a woman.

Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap,

in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.

When they kept on questioning him,

he straightened up and said to them,

"If any one of you is without sin,

let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at at time,

the older ones first, until only Jesus was left,

with the woman still standing there.

Jesus straightened up and asked her,

"Woman, where are they?

Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir," she said.

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared.

"Go now and leave your life of sin."

John 8:1-11

"The nations will see your righteousness,

and all the kings your glory,

you will be called by a new name

that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.

You will be a crown of splendor in the LORDS hand,

a royal diadem in the hand of your God"

Isaiah 62:2-3

Join us for our Yes, to God study, of Surrendering the Secret.

You can find more information here and here.

Please email us if you have any questions.

jenniekitt@mac.com

chealey5@yahoo.com