Boundaries

Boundaries....

We all need them yet so often we don't set them correctly.

I should know, I struggled with boundaries for years before I finally realized I was exhausted due to my lack of them.

Can you relate?

What I've learned over the years is that boundaries are healthy for both parties in any type of relationship.

I was one to always run to the aid of others...I would drop whatever I was in the middle of and run out the door... (envision superwoman here).

From family members to friends to complete strangers at church, if a call came in or an email about someone who needed help you can rest assured I would be there.

It finally dawned on me about 5 years ago that I was completely exhausted due to my lack of boundaries. I'm a people pleaser at heart and I never wanted to say no to anyone or hurt their feelings.

This is very dangerous because as I was saying yes to all of these people I was saying no to myself and my family.

I picked up the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It was such an eye opener to me. I remember relating myself to so many of the different scenarios in the book and thinking "what in the world am I doing?"

Honestly, it was no easy task to begin setting healthy boundaries. I lost a few friends along the way. People, especially those who are very needy, don't like it when you start to set healthy boundaries. It's uncomfortable for them as much as it is for you. One friend who I had to set significant boundaries with said to me, "but your a Christian how can you let our friendship go?"

Initially I thought she was right. Aren't Christians suppose to love everyone and help where needed?

Yes, we are called to love and help others but we are also called to have healthy boundaries so that we aren't taken advantage of by others.

Cloud and Townsend state, "Boundaries help us distinguish our property so that we can take care of it. We need to keep things that nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside. We need to keep the good in and the bad out, and that's what boundaries help us do."

What about you? How are your boundaries? Are there some things you need to adjust?